FUNK THIS!

1st week of school and im half-dead...

2005-08-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

Haiz... this was supposedly the starting of a refreshing and exciting chapter of my life!! For those who still harbour thoughts that im referring to havin a girlfriend, u are so darn wrong!

I wish i had one. Somehow that is. Maybe, if u all would so kindly intro me or something...

Anyways, the start of school was hectic and somehow i felt very stressed. This is very weird for me cos im not one to be stress out of anything. But somehow, the heat (millions of ppl jostling about) and the pressure (damn! watch where u are going) got to me.

AND the tuitions!!! Aaah! Why do i have soo many? Dont wanna drop cos its soo irresponsible. Wanna drop but then soo difficult. Then out of the blue, i had another kid. Aaaargh.... hahaa...

Anyway. For all those who are flying off soon, i sincerely wish u all the best!!

And for all of u still stuck here with me, i hope u get lucky soon. Get off the island!!! We are LOST!!

*Lame*

Slow but true to myself.......

2005-07-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Haha.. i know that i have not blogged for long. Somehow i think that only stuff which are important and less personal should be pasted out for everyone to see. But sometimes its just that im too tired after the fun stuff.

I know. I have been mega emo. And im kinda sorry for all the troubles that i have caused. I hate myself for alot of things and apologise for drawing others into my woes too.

Being my friend is just too tiring and bothersome i guess. Im just too unsure and uncertain about myself. I think it may be better off if u all just get by without me. Doesnt really make a difference, i guess, without me.

Poll Centre

2005-06-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

Well, im glad that 71% of you think that im not such a bad driver after all.

Just trying to be nice right?

Sad End To A Long Day

2005-06-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

I had a somewhat long day today. (Of cos paling in comparison with all you hardworking, job-holding folks out there who try to occupy yourselves by acting busy and drinking multiple cups of tea) I had to give tuition at 2 and rush from there to AMK where i'll meet my closer camp friends for dinner and movie.

Sigh. Its always great to meet people that you havent seen for a long time, but it also makes you reminisce about the past which is all so painful. Pain, not felt because of bad memories, but due to happy periods fleeting pass with us oblivious to its importance.

Anyways, Mr and Mrs Smith was kinda nice. I thought Angelina was super chio. I mean she has always been. Just like Catherine Zeta Jones. Till she married that ugly Michael Douglas. Eeeeeeww! This just justifies the idea that the pretty gals will always marry the fat, ugly males. Well, i suppose i have hope then.

After a rather difficult farewell, we finally left for home. On my way back, as i walked into my condo, i was surprised yet delighted to see a rather large rat attempting to run across the carpark to the bushes. The cute and furry little mammal scurrying about the tiled ground reminded me of the chinchilla i had. I looked at it smilingly, bonded by the thought that we were both similar. (for the fact that i was born in the year of the Rat.) Somehow i have always had a soft spot for this creature, no matter what others say or think, especially the girls.

What happened next completely crushed whatever happiness i had left from the gathering. A car was coming out of the carpark and was heading towards the path of that little rat. I stood, rooted, not knowing what to do. I watched. Silently. Hoping. Praying.

The rat stopped in its tracks as the car neared. It was just off the course of the vehicle. I was obviously glad that it had some sense. However, it decided at the last moment to go for it. At the very last moment. Sigh. The wheels ran over it twice and it lay in a crumpled heap on the cold, hard ground. I continued standing there, but i couldnt watch it anymore and thus i turned my head. I just stood there for like 15s, trying to convince myself that it didnt happen. I stole a glance. A glance which dispelled all hopes i have of it being alive. I wondered for a moment if i would have the same reaction if it was a person. I covered my face with a file i was holding and tried walking past it. However, man being man. I couldnt help but to take another look at the little creature which had its life forcibly taken from it.

Im sorry.

Poll Centre

2005-06-07T23:00:00.000+08:00

Thank you for your support. Some 71.4% of you have gotten behind me and said that budget airlines suck. While the rest were equally split between loving them and being undecided. Sigh....
How can anyone be undecided? Stop sitting on the wall lah, like Humpty Dumpty. And you all know what happened to him in the end. Tsk....

Warning: Bad Driver Ahead! (And a horrid narrator too!)

2005-06-07T22:10:00.000+08:00

I will admit down here. I am a terrible driver. The only reason why i passed my test was becos i told my tester to wear his seatbelt. He gave me that knowing smile and i knew then that i had passed.

Let me recount some incidents to prove my point.

The first time i drove after my test was with my dad. He needed me to go thru some orientation programme with him. It was an absolute disaster. It had been some time since i drove and thus, as you can expect, i was not good. Full stop. I didnt check my blind spots. I didnt gear down when going thru bends. But i did move off at gear 3. Wrong! Damn. But worst of all, i tried to show him my camp. As u know, Seletar is kinda ulu and the roads are very narrow. I tried my best to stay in my lane but all i succeeded at doing was to scrape the car's wheels along the side kerbs. HIS precious car's wheels. I couldnt touch the keys for like 1 week.

After a memory lapse, i got to drive the car again, this time with my mum and dog in tow too. We arrived at the carpark. My dad looked at the car and told me to wait first. I stood there wondering and my mum told me the reason. "Uh... i think he wants to get it out of the parallel parking slot first." I sooo understand, mum.

The 2 hands-on made me hungry for more driving. On monday, karen asked me out for a movie and i was adamant to drive her there. Being told of my intention, my mum started clicking her nails nervously and told me that she doesnt think its possible. My dad will not allow me to go out alone at night to such a bustling and busy place. Well, i was adamant. And i lied. I told my dad, over the phone (luckily), that i was just going to my friend's place at serangoon. After an unsure moment, i finally persuaded him to lent it to me. Mistake. Bad mistake on my dad's part.

I should have seen it coming though. There were signs. Ominous signs. The sky had darkened and thunder rumbled in the distance. And i dropped my stefanie album on the ground! My fav stefanie! Anyway, i decided to go ahead. After quite a few wrong turns and hazardous lane changings, i finally reached SPH. In time. Okay. Some time after in time. But at least i got there. On the way there, i got horned quite a few times. Stupid drivers! Always soo impatient. U know, they absolutely love to stick so close behind ur butt that it makes me suspect their sexual orientation.

Reaching Cineleisure, we decided to park at their underground carpark. As i swerve into the opening, i was so absorbed with talking to karen that i nearly hit the central divider. Thank god for her! She shouted, "NIIICK!" and closed her eyes. I looked at her and braked in time. Ok. Thank god i didnt hit or my dad will so kill me. What happened next left me sweating. As i drove down the winding lane to the underground carpark, i underestimated the car's width and "EEEEEEEKKK!". We heard the left side of the car scrape the wall. I was perspiring! F***! I need to get to a mechanic and get them to spray paint my car immediately or my dads gonna strangle me! But thank god again. There werent any lines or stuff when we checked after getting out.

After our little chatting session at Bakerzin (cos Madagascar was fully booked), we had to go. I had to go home. The car needed to get out of the underground carpark and back to my home. Karen kindly decided to help and direct me out. And again, the slope was the killer blow. As i drove up the slope, a car blocked my way in front and so i had to stop on the slope. Trying to remember what SSDC taught me, i pulled up the handbrake and waited. Alas, my slope techniques were warped and my acceleration was not enough. After releasing my handbrake, the car groaned and moaned, willing and begging me to step harder on the freakin accelerator. But stupid me didnt comprehend and so the car stalled. It stalled only after i hit the left wall. It stalled only after a car decide to stop behind me. It stalled and rolled back as Karen screamed. Sigh.

U know whats the funniest thing? As i began writing this piece, my dad came up to me and said, "Nick, did u touch the air-conditioning system? Do u know that u changed it such that the outside air is now mixed with the air-con? No wonder i have been smelling smoke and other stuff in the car." "Huh! Really? Hahaha" No wonder i was smelling smoke in the car too. Sigh.

P.S. I hope the traffic police isnt reading this. Dont revoke my licence, Pls!!!

Poll Centre

2005-05-31T23:03:00.000+08:00

In the biggest poll as yet, there has been a surprising winner. I suppose that will be the case if there isnt many good, quality shows to choose from. Anyway, here you go.

In first place, Lost, with 32.35% of the votes.

Second place goes to Desperate Housewives with 17.65%.

Close behind in third place is Sex and the City with 14.71%.

The others are kinda heck care lah.

The Land of the She-males

2005-05-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

The sun, the sand, the sea.

Damn. I hate the sun, the sand and the sea.

I had confidently foretold zj and morris that, "Don't worry. I'm sure that it will rain on 2 of the 3 days we are there. Haha. Maybe i can save enough to buy my dsquared shoes."

Well, at least the trip was fun. It was like my england and taiwan trip. I did stuff that i didnt want or at the least, never thought that i would do. Like going snorkelling and sitting on top of a speed boat. Its so cool.

And the journey to Phuket itself was exciting. We had to actually go across a hill/mountain to get there. The Phuket Timah hill had curving, swervy, steep roads that defy gravity. As a qualified driver, i was in awe of all the tuk-tuks that enter day in and day out, through this hazardous crossing.

Last but not least, i must say that i have never had so much to drink and also sooooo cheap too. I absolutely love the live band and the coconut cooler. *oops* Who says coolers are not alcoholic?

Anyway, if you want to see some pictures of our Phuket trip, click on either chee wei or zhenjin. They are currently suffering from A.W.S. , so please visit and tag!!!! (even if you do not know them personally)

Well, as of all things nice, some bastard has to step up to destroy it. So, the next article will be a blow-by-blow account of the ugly incident. It is named.......

Budget Bitches

2005-05-31T21:44:00.000+08:00

If you think that budget airlines have no frills and no thrills, you are so wrong.

We have, on one hand, stewardesses in frilly skirts, handing out extras preferentially to caucasians while giving us asians the cold shoulder.

On the other hand, we have passengers, dying to make the flight a tad more exciting with their antics.

Mix them into the bubbling pot, and shout out the incantation, "double, double toil and trouble!". POOOF! We have a rabbit!! No. We have the worst budget air flight possible.

I shall not name to shame the budget airline involved but they were rewarded with the highest number of complaints in a recent investigation by the newspapers. Well, i suppose they are the most-complained for a reason.

The day was sad. Cos we were returning to Singapore after 3 wonderful days in Phuket. After arriving at the airport, triumphant that we managed to slash the ridiculously high tuk-tuk fare, we decided to grab some food before our flight. Realising that we were late, we decided to check in and board the flight. Unexpectedly, there was this silly 500 baht airport tax. You mean i had paid an extra 100 bucks for airport taxes on top of my plane ticket for nothing? The worst thing was that we were broke. Out of cash. No mooolah. I was envisioning some Amazing Race scenes where we had to beg for money. I was even preparing for it, till i realised the others were going to the money changer.

Well, out of the first ditch and down the second one we went. After we had boarded the plane, we realised that we were kinda late. No more sitting together. We had to be separated. I found myself sitted at the aisle beside 2 kids. Two typical 'i must read my book now' nerdy-looking Singaporean boys. That is till i heard their heavily accented english. Well, no harm was done anyway, so i decided to have a little shut-eye before touching down in Singapore. Sadly, peace was short-lived.

At that moment, cue the devils please, the budget bitches arrived. Three caucasian ladies, americans i presumed, sashayed in with the stewardess in tow. "I'm sorry mam, but i think thats the only few seats available." The stewardess pointed to a seat across the aisle i was at. The seat was in the middle. Between a middle-aged chinese male and an ang moh of similar age. The youngest caucasian (aka young devil) wrinkled her nose and wise-cracked, "I guess it's just not my day for winning the lottery." Turning to the stewardess, she asked, "Do i really have to sit between these bab... people?" I stared in shock. The chinese smiled. My jaw dropped further.

"Susan! SUUUU-SAAAAAN! Can you hear me from behind? Or are you too far away. Can you hear me on our walkie? Susan? Come in. Come in! Hellooooo?", she yelled as she turned to look for her friend. She had on this bluish stick, extending from behind her right ear to her mouth. "Susie. We have to be together. Come on."

A short while later, i found a bloated-face stewardess standing next to me, talking to the chinese man. After the conversation, the chinese disappeared. And guess who or more accurately, guess what took his place. The more elderly caucasian woman (mother devil) who was still looking fabulous at her age. She had on the blue-tinged stick hidden under her hat too. "Darling, i think her transmission device is a little warped. You probably have to shout a little louder, my dear." They muttered and pointed in my direction in another of their not so secret conversations. I overheard them saying, "Hhhhmmmm... i think we can get rid of that guy and get susie to sit with us." I shot them a 'f*** you' look. Dont you f***ing dare.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the flight is about to start. Can everyone please give your attention to the air stewardess who will be showing the in-flight safety demonstrations. Thank you."

As the stewardess demonstrated the various safety devices, the young devil, with her million years of experience languishing in budget air flights, began mimicking her actions. It was both funny and demeaning. She is probably rehearsing for her interview at some equally horrid budget airline, like banana, crocodile or dinosaur airline, i thought.

"Dear passengers. The flight is about to commence. Can you please switch off all transmission and electronic devices. Please note that handphones are only to be switched on when you are off the plane. Thank you and have a nice flight."

"Hey mom, i think we have to switch off now. Susie? SUUU-SIIIIEEE! We have to stop our transmission now!", the young devil yelled across. She took of her ear piece. A ear piece that looked conspicuously similar to the stick found in cocktails. Oh wait. They are the sticks found in cocktail drinks.

Her mom fiddled with the stick and a flash of brilliance came to her. You could see her face lighting up. I was blinded by her intelligence too. She called out, "Look darling! I'm playing golf!" And she proceeded to hit an imaginary golf ball on her thigh with the stick. I had to presume the ball was in a sand pit cos it was on her aged, wrinkled thigh for goodness sake. Her daughter, obviously amused by her mom's creativeness, followed her example and began swinging the tiny stick. "Fore! Watch out in front!", she shouted.

The plane started lifting off and my ears began to block out the unwanted noises. Feeling that for once i can finally rest, i shut my eyes in glee. Alas, i was burning in hell that day. Mother devil, gathering all her kindness, said, "Excuse me, look there." "Huh? What?", i replied. I looked around and saw the two boys absorbing their daily nutrients from their books. Was it the light she was irritated about? I turned to say something but was cut short. "The baggage compartment above you is open." I looked up and there it was, the door to the compartment was flung wide. I moved instinctively to shut it, but my seatbelt held me back. Then i heard zj telling me that it was dangerous. So i decided to wait it out. She looked and said, "Well, even if the bags are to fall, they will only fall on you. Hahaha.." Aaaarrggghh! I was sitting beside Satan.

We were finally in the air and i realised that it would be worse cos everyone's let loose. The seatbelts come off and everyone goes awandering. The devil ladies wasted no time at all. They began hollering for drinks and food. And also the eye candy that was behind. By eye candy, i mean the caucasian men situated at the back of the plane.

"Susan! Who's there behind with you? Isn't he cute? Whats your name?" The young devil flirted. The men sensing 4th base action swarm in for the kill. We had a loutish-looking spanish guy walking around, holding a chocolate bar in his hand. An english, with a cast on one leg, hopping about and jerking the seats as he passed. And all sorts of other characters. "Hey sweetie! Mind if we have a bite of your chocolate? I'm huuungry..", mother devil crooned, not wanting to loose out to her daughter. The tubby spaniard looked at the old fag and then to her daughter and came over. Eeeeeeewww.

Anyway, they did and said a lot of stupid things which irrittated and inconvenienced the rest. Like at one point, young devil went, "Hey! Mike! Who's your friend beside you?" "What??!! I cant hear you. You have to shout louder like ME." "Oh! Dan? Dan! Why is he sleeping?" "You know, i am a victim of your disappointment!" What the hell are u talking about?

Last but not least. At the end of the journey, the poor stewardesses had to look for additional places in a fully booked flight due to one of them vomitting at the back. The stewardesses had to ask passengers with small children to let them sit on their laps to free up seats.

And so the story ends here for the 3 devils. Till the day we meet again.

Bitches.

Vigorous Pool Action

2005-05-24T23:01:00.000+08:00

It was a sunny day on 22nd May. No wonder, i thought as i looked at my calender, it was a Sunday.

Being free from tuition, i decided to hop down to the pool for a tanning session. (Phuket was less than a week away and i needed to blend in with the sun-drenched crowd) Surprisingly, the pool was not quite filled to the brim as it always was on a Sunday. I quickly picked a spot that was rather empty and opened out the deck chair. After a short dip in the pool, i returned to my chair and covered my face, contemplating a little nap to whittle away the time. The searing rays drilled into my naked torso. It was alike being in a sauna. I was literally baking. A gust of wind blew across like an answer to my prayers. Soothed, i went back to my nap. I had a wonderful dream, of me and my...

"Ah boy ah! Oei!! Come here! Dont run hor. Later u two huh.. Yah. Fall down then u know. Oei!!", something screeched in the background. (You have to hear her voice in order to understand why i chose the word 'something' and not 'someone'.) Rudely brought back to reality, i seethed with anger. My lovely dream smashed to bits like glass cracking under the sheer weight of her pitchy voice. Bitch. The heat was nearly bringing me to a boil. I didnt need her to push me over the edge. I took a deep breath and tried to return to my dream.

"Hey! Don't run! Later i bian you two! 他妈的 ! Got hear or not! Don't you run!", this time though, it was a gruffy male voice. Irritated, i removed the cloth covering my face and shot a 'go and die' look in their direction. I was astounded to see not one, not two, but an entire troop of people crowding around the two nearby sheltered tables. Where the hell did these clowns come from? They weren't here a short while ago. I couldn't help but stare for some while. They had the entire range. There was the pot-bellied old man, the sagging wife, the smaller-bellied son and his big-breasted sweetheart. The floppy-haired nerd son, a super chio sister and a tubby aunt completed the family. And that was not inclusive of their friends. Damn.

I shook my head in disgust and looked away, half hoping that they could just disappear and allow me to burn in peace. My head turning was futile as on my right, there was another group of people sitting nearby. I was shocked. Again. Where the hell do these people materialise from? Its like Criss Angel and his disgusting tricks. Get them away from me. Please...

They were so close that i could hear whatever they were saying. My reluctant eavesdropping led me into their conversation.

Chinese male (refine, blue polo ralph top with striped white pants, speaking with a pseudo british accent): Look at those funny people over there. They are sooo uncivilised. Pah! Some lower class Singaporean folk, if i may hazard a guess. Wonder why the management would allow them to even buy a unit in this place. Must have been some oversight. Haha...

Elderly chinese female (presumably his mum, unless he fancies the wrinkles on her neck. Eeeww!): Hahaha. (chuckling consciously) Yeah. Or they may be desperate to sell off some of the unwanted units. Hahaha. Look at that foolish man. He can't even keep his kids under command. Such noise. Tsk... (fake american!)

I nodded in agreement, unknowingly, as he voiced out some of my feelings. I caught myself in mid-motion, stepping hard on the brakes just in case he saw me. Deep inside, i felt as if i was one step closer to hell. The hideous thoughts enveloped me, weighing me further and further. How could i? No Nicholas. Must not be evil.

I replaced the cloth and tried my best to clear my mind and focus on letting the sun do its job.

"Hahaha.. What you want?", "We go play over there! No! No lah! We see who can throw the ball into the hole. Funner. ", "Aaaaaaah!!! Dont want! I wanto play!!!"

Water splashed onto me. I jumped a little in shock as the cold water hit my skin. F****. If staring could kill, i would have been sentenced to several death penalties. But sadly, i was no Mathilda. I took a few deep breaths and reckoned that it just wasn't my day. I had to leave. Passing by the high class mother and son combo, i heard them whispering again. "Oh my god! That guy has such a scrawny frame and still he dares to show it. Hahaha.", "Yeah, hahaha..."

Bastards.

The Poll Centre

2005-05-16T23:40:00.000+08:00

Okay, the verdict's in. Arrested Development is the outright winner!! Yooo Hoooo!! Great that their humour is recognised. Friends come in 2nd while Frasier and Malcolm in the Middle are tied 3rd. Well, Raymond sux and everybody has spoken.

A lesson on Friendship

2005-05-16T10:03:00.000+08:00

The past week was not of the ordinary. It wasnt extraordinary but just different from my little routine.

First and foremost, my camp friend, Fabian (or Barthez as i fondly call him) found my new number from another campmate and rang me up with an invite to watch "It Takes Two". I was sooo glad he called cos i am always game for any theatre and more so when he told me the ticks were free. It felt great to be invited and even better to have been remembered. That night, as we parted, i could only wish that i was half as nice and thoughtful and good-natured as he was.

This is what friends do: They make time to talk to you, to know you better and to show you they remember and care for you. They will also include you in things that they know you would enjoy.

Secondly, just like morris, im gonna talk about Kenneth. His birthday was on the 14th, a Saturday. You may not know, but i hate gatherings. I dislike parties. I abhor any outings with more than 3 people involved. I am very uneasy if i do not know my place in that group. Whether i should lead or whether i should keep one side or whether i should make any comments. I hate going out on Saturdays too. It will mean not going to my Grandma'a house. It will mean not being able to support my fav Man United. But due to some people whom i long to see, i decided to go.

It was a party that any birthday boy would have been proud of. Decorations, presents, cakes, but most importantly, the large turnout of his friends. I arrived early to help out with the decorations. What surprised me was that his other friends were there already, helping out with food and deco. One even came in the early morning to wrap sushi. I remember telling Kenneth as he walked out to welcome me that i envied him alot, for having so many people not only come but also here to help out. As i went home that night, i was thinking: if i did have a birthday party, who would i invite? I made up a guest list that night b4 sleeping at 3am.

Just hours b4 i write this post, something happened. A friend decided that what i had said about him was offensive. I was taken aback. It never came across to me that people care so much about whatever i had to say. Anyway, i have never said that i am a good guy. I yearn to be one, like those two that i have mentioned above, but wanting and the reality is light years in between. I know im an evil person and i do say so to many people. Being frank is a double-edged sword that im prepared to wield, but i do hope that it cuts me more than any one else.

As of this moment, i know that my guest list is shrinking, not by my deletion, but due to my actions. I just hope that when i do have my 24th birthday, someone will be around to attend.

(Please forgive my horrid language. Wrong frame of mind=> lapses in grammer)

The Carrie Moment

2005-05-16T06:08:00.000+08:00

Life, unlike what most people believe, is a bed of roses. It is great. Beautiful, soft and sweetly-scented as you lie atop the red, pink and yellow roses, looking lovingly at the blue skies with the occasional white fluffy cloud rolling by. But as reality sink in as you mature and age, your weight drags you into the rose bed, pass the stems that support it, scratching and cutting you with its hell-bent thorns.

I have been naive for a very long while now. Even till today, i believe that i could and should treat others depending on how i feel and not how i think i should. However, recent events have led me to seriously re-think my position. The question is: In friendships, or any kind of relationships for the matter, is being frank a friend or a foe?

In my short 21 years, i have always embraced directness as my style of speech and action. It has indeed caused a lot of discomfort amongst my friends and may have even brought about a few bust ups (none too serious to look over). Recently, whilst sitting in zx's car after some window shopping, his phone rang and he asked me to help him answer the call. It was his sis. The first thing he said to me was, "Hey nick, don't be rude to her k." I went, "Huh? Why would i be? Am i ever rude?" My frankness was being seen as brashness and i was dismayed. I never ever thought that zx thought me to be rude.

Since young, i knew that you need to treat others the way you wanted them to treat you. And thus, i decided that the most important thing is to be truthful. No matter how much the truth may hurt me, it will be better than knowing the truth later and in so doing, also know that the person was lying to you. Frankness was therefore a characteristic i happily incorporated.

Years and numerous indifferent experiences later, i have come to a conclusion that the world is not ready for such openness. Strangers do not want to be told that they are in the wrong. People do not like hearing their work being criticised. Friends do not wish to know of any slights in character. I do not understand. Is it nicer to be lied to and led onto the wrong path? Is it better to be made a fool whilst others laugh at your mistake-riddled work? Is it happier if you continue with your ways and get ridiculed or hated by others?

I do understand how it feels when you are at the receiving end of directness. When i am told that im ugly, my heart sinks and it is painful. I will be saddened and have that urge to just go hide somewhere. But i have always believed in the chinese adage 良药苦口利治病，忠言逆耳利于行. Things which are beneficial are never nice to behold. I have learnt to take it in and try to change if i deem that i need to do so. However, if i think its a necessary evil that i have, for example my frankness, i will thank the person and tell him/her that i believe in it and if he/she wants to continue being friends, then he/she will have to get over it.

I also do understand that there's just a thin line separating frankness and bluntness. It is known as tact. I, for one, will readily admit that im absolutely devoid of tact. I do have sensitivity, but it does numb out when i am talking to people who are closer to me. I believe that friends should be told truthfully of whatever shortcomings they have. If not, they are no different from the ones who wait for your downfall. Think. Do you really want sugar-coated replies? If not for the fact that they are of little help to your queries, it will probably lead to diabetes too. (sigh, not funny when you are unhappy huh) Do you think true friends will tell jie kai that, "Hey, you are good-looking okay. And i think you speak terribly well. Continue with what you are doing cos you are definitely doing it well." Do you think close friends will tell wormy that, "You are not fat at all. Your size is just perfect. Im sure loads of girls will dig you." Do you think real friends of Paris will go, "Hey gal! Why the hell would others think you a whore? Im shocked. You are so demure and cute. What divaish behaviour? No, no, no. You are so not a slut."

I have always believed in calling a spade a spade, cos a rose by any other name will not smell as sweet or as foul. Learn to take criticisms cos it helps. Given nicely, it may not stay in mind, but flung at you, you will be forced to consider and take the necessary action. I know its not the best thing, but you will gradually tune out the pain. Is it better to hurt slowly, or get it out once and for all? I dont see ppl taking their time when extracting bullets embedded in them. I dont see ppl waiting to call for help when they are on fire. I dont see mothers-to-be telling their doctors to take their time cos labour is so much fun.

Down here, i do have to apologise to whomever i have offended with my manner of speech and style of action. You have absolutely no idea how sometimes i cant sleep at night, wishing and hoping that i can take away somethings that i have said, just because it was painful to the person, not because it was the truth. I wish that i could hold it back, but it does hurt me more when i see something and i do not tell.

I do understand that this post is truely ironic. The fact that im lamenting that people find me too frank and they being truthful to me about in the first place. Not that i dont accept the fact, its just that i think thats the way i want to be, so if you dont want a friend, or that you just want someone sweet-talking, go find someone else. It's not me for sure.

Poll Centre

2005-05-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

Okay. Its so obvious who will win it. Southpark, with a total of 33.3%, triumphs over the rest while Naruto comes in a close 2nd. I wonder why i even added Slam Dunk.

On to the next poll....

The Art of Plagiarism

2005-05-10T17:37:00.000+08:00

CHIEF EDITOR: Nicholas Chow

FIELD REPORTER: Karen Tee

EYE-WITNESS: Zhenjin Lee

POST ENTRY: 5/4/2005 11:56:00 PM Evidence

Ever suffered the indignity of standing around helplessly while your granduncles, great granduncles and greater granduncles once, twice, thrice removed yak about your shoes right up to your face? It's one of those things you endure tactfully during Deepavali because you're obliged to your parents to behave like a well brought-up, mother-fearing young adult. Also, there's the 88 cent angpow that you've just received from the above mentioned old men and the slight sense of satisfaction you get from providing them with gossip fodder to occupy their otherwise bored minds.

So yes, I thought such stuff happens only once a year and only to relatives of sorts, and only in a semi-private location like somebody's house. But to my utmost mortification and immense discomfort, I found out that total strangers are absolutely capable of such a gross invasion of personal space too.

Yesterday, I was enjoying a plate of wonderfully tasty chicken rice at Boon Tong Kee at Thomson Rd. Chicken rice is something that has not wash up on the shores of Antartica yet (like most other things too)and as a result, I have been eating it every day since my return to make up for the eight months of chicken rice famine. Anyways, halfway through my meal, a frail wrinkled old man and his dog sat down at the next table for their teh-o and tasty chicken rice treat. While they ate, I realized the old man kept looking over to my table, which is rather rude but a sadly common phenomenon. I do ocassionally indulge in it too, for a variety of reasons - yummy looking food, chio girls, funkilicious fashion style, whatever. Like any self-respecting person who is being quite unsubtly looked over, I bo hiued him and continued attacking my juicy chicken.

Then, just as I was getting ready to leave, the old man suddenly spoke out in a surprisingly loud, booming voice, " 你的皮肤很好。你比金城武还帅。" Translated, it means "You've got great skin. You are more handsome than Takeshi Kaneshiro". Immediately, heads snapped up and turned towards us in interest. The statement in itself is extremely laughable for a variety of reasons, including the fact that in the half week that I've been home, the weather has already caused a major breakout on my forehead. But because he was an old man, I decided not to say anything apart from thank you as I went through the motions of packing up and leaving, thinking he would get the message and get back to his tea. Unfortunately luck was not on my side and he carried on, talking about how I looked like a Japanese boy and asking me for my name and age at the top of his voice. He must be some kind of pervert, i thought. By then, everybody in the shop was blatantly eavesdropping and staring at us, pointing and nodding their heads in agreement.

I was utterly petrified and rendered speechless by this talkatively opinionated old man who appeared oblivious to my inability to respond appropriately. I was suddenly exposed to the life that i had always dreamt of. In that short moment, i decided that privacy was more important than being a celebrity. I couldnt even take the many finger-pointing and conversations around me now, what more the million flashlights and crazed paparazzi.

I was extremely tempted to just bolt but blame it on my marvellous Asian upbringing - it seemed impolite to do that to an old man. It is undoubtedly nasty to have to endure such a public adulation, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from going on. I have learnt the hard way that denial will only spur them on to even more improbable exhortations. So I opted for the tried and true Deepavalian escape method of smiling uncomfortably and thanking him, all the while praying he would stop soon. By then, our spectators were almost gamed to ask me for pictures and autographs. I had to get out before it turned chaotic.

I told him I had to leave, and literally ran out of the shop. After a distance, i slowed to a shuffle thinking i was safe. To my horror, a hoard of customers had rushed out and were chasing behind. I panicked. I raced to the road and flagged for a taxi. Thank god cos somebody heard my prayer and a cab stopped immediately. I threw myself into the taxi and told him to move off. With hardly any time to spare, the cab sped off. Oncoming tentacles of my adoring fans nearly, just so nearly rip the handle off. The cab driver turned and took a long look. "Eh, 你不是金城武吗？哇！真帅。难怪这么多人追。", he said. I mumbled my thanks. I just did not have any strength for another argument. Sigh. Now I'm never going to be able to go back there for chicken rice because all the shop workers will remember me as the guy who was publicly embarassed by an old man and his dog. Not to mention a horrible fear of running into that mad man again and having to go through this all over again. As I said, it's bad enough to do this once a year.

For the record, I only appear to have nice skin because I'm fair (i just have great skin lah. sigh, i cant hide it anymore) and I have beautifully silky hair that accentuates my face. I also regard all these Takeshi Kaneshiro, Edison Chen and Shawn Yue (yeah it's happened before for obvious reasons) comparisons with horror. Takeshi is at least ten years older than me. Okay, it's great that people think he looks handsome but he is old, in my books. Couldnt the old man just have followed the others and compared me to Edison instead? It would have been justifiable. And while many strangers think I come from Japan, Sweden or Spain (I guess it's supposed to be a compliment), I'm Chinese, Singaporean Chinese to be exact. Which basically means that i look yan dao. Therefore, if anybody wants to compliment me for whatever reason, I enjoy comments on my shoes, bags, outfit, accessories, my style and/or how I do my hair, but not those on my skin, height and/or weight. Oh and insults are fine too as long as you don't mind a return insult. Ok I feel a whole lot better now that I've ranted. I might even be able to gather the courage to order another plate of yummy chicken rice later today at that Boon Tong Kee outlet. Wish me luck.

Poll Centre

2005-05-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

Okay. So last week's question was, "Women: Emotional or Logical? Instinctive or Reactive?" Well, apparently most of you folks decided to go with me.

So, the results:

Emotional --- 36.8%
Logical --- 15.8%
Instinctive --- 15.8%
Reactive --- 31.6%

Ta-da.....

Moments

2005-05-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Its strange, but i've come to realise that nowadays, when something out of the ordinary occurs, the first thing that comes to my mind is, "Hey, thats a blogging moment! Blog it. U so need to blog it."

There you go. So thats where the next story came from.....

P.S. For those who are devotees of their religion, pls skip the next article or just bear with it.

Solicited by a ..... (sorry for the inappropriate word usage)

2005-05-03T19:40:00.000+08:00

What happened last Thursday was a strange affair. It was almost a week since i had any driving and i was booked for 2 that day. My first session was to start at 10.30am, but i was dedicated to watching Oprah no matter what happened. Thus, i was late. I rushed out of my house with nothing except my ipod, ssdc booklet and bare essentials. Nothing could make me part with my trendy music library.

I alighted at the stop near the Yio Chu Kang mrt station and rushed my way to school. I was near running alright, not just because i was late, dark clouds threatened any tardiness. I crossed my fingers hoping for some respite. However, it was not to be as rain pelted down even before i came close to the school. I had to maintain my cool no matter what, so i walked briskly towards the compound. Well, i was cool. Maybe abit cold too as i was drenched by the time i reached and the freakin air-con was just a bit too powerful for my liking.

Anyway, let me brag for just a sec (its not often that i get to do so). I was so good at my driving that day, the instructor praised me. (those in the know will remember me having an accident on my first day out on the streets) Haha. Stupid Jun Hui! Idiot Chris Moh! All these over-achievers passing their subjects soo quickly. Eat my rain-drenched shorts.

Finshing my lessons, i was on a high. Nothing could have made me come back down. Nothing, except God himself. I was unwilling to fall back into an emotional hellhole after being lifted up by the angels of the driving school. The fluffy white clouds were where i intended to be. Bouncing, flying, looking back down at the mortals as i boarded the fairy train back to my home. As soon as i had taken my place in the train, a stranger came up to me. Stranger, i will call him, as i did not know him then. The young, bespectacled caucasian strutted up to me and looked me in the eye. My ears were filled with the melodious voice of Charlotte Church as i tried to make out what he was saying to me. Before i could get Charlotte to stop asking me to dream a dream with her, his hand was held out before me. I could make no sense of this. In front of me was this young man, whom i still couldnt put a name to, waiting to shake my hand.

I pulled out one of my earphones and caught the words, "Hey! Remember me? I'm your friend." I took his hand and shook it slowly. Very very slowly. Deliberately stalling for time. My mind raced. Who the hell is this ang moh? I suppose he saw beads of sweat forming on my temples and thus decided not to torment me any further. "Okay. I'm not really your friend." Damn! You got that right. "I'm from a church organisation. My name is Paul." I saw that coming and still got hit. Like that 'Scrubs' guy in the doe-eyed deer outfit getting whacked straight in the head. "Uh... ," i said. Well, i could have been a bastard and told him to screw someone elses ass with his lies or told him politely to 'get the hell outta my face cos im a pure blooded buddhist' (oh no. Im sorry for saying all these. Hope god doesnt read blogs), but i didnt. Instead, being the nice guy i was, i decided to let him have a go.

He told me he was sorry to have tricked me and that he just wanted to talk. Oh puh-leeeese. Im such an open guy, anybody could just come up to talk to me. It sounded more like a pick-up line for goodness sake. He continued, "Um, so which stop are you getting off at?" Sigh.. It seems like he isn't very good at this. So i decided to help. "Mine's the next stop. But its kinda far, so you still have some time to talk. Hmmm.. so which branch of the church are you? Catholic? Protestant?", i queried. "Im catholic......" Thats about all i heard as ironic screams of "devil without a cause" piped thru my other ear. "I looked straight into his eyes to camouflage the fact that i wasn't listening at all and laughed secretly at the private joke that Kid Rock made.

"Blah, blah, blah blah," " Wait," i interrupted ( to show that i was still in the conversation) "Its just that your arguments for believing are always going in a circle. Your answers for my questions just keep repeating and do not convince me fully." He looked at me not knowing what to say. *ding ding ding* End of round 1.

My ride was coming to an end as the train neared the station. I dreaded the moment. I knew what he was gonna do but i didnt stop him in time. He began on another of his speeches as the train screeched to a stop. Okay, okay. SMRT trains are so good that they dont screech, but i so hope that they did. Like, *Screech* "Oh sorry, there's my stop. I better go. See ya."

His mouth opened and close, like a fish in its glass bowl. I couldnt hear anything he was saying. My mind was thinking: Okay. Shut it. The freakin door is going to close. Aaaaah! Help me... I looked around pleading for help with my eyes. SOS! Mayday! 五月天! Help me..... A few goddamn girls giggled in the distance.

*Ti ti ti ti* "Aaaargh... The Door Is CLOSING!!!" I could have sworn i screamed it out loud cos he whipped out a namecard and scribbled on it. Thrusting it into my hands and shaking it at the same time, he said that he hoped to see me sometime soon. I gave my fakest and widest smile and told him to meet me in hell. Okay, just joking. I stepped out onto the platform, grateful that i didnt miss my stop. I could cry in happiness. I was sincerely prepared to take the train all the way to Jurong East just to let him finish his piece.

I wasnt traumatized by him as i have been approached by several of such word-spreaders before. (and im sorry to say that i have antagonised quite a few.) It was more so where it had happened. I was in a train for goodness sake. I had always thought that these people lived in the streets just outside mrt stations. Just like those donation-can-holding kids. It just felt like they had trespassed into a previously peaceful sanctuary. Some kind of demilitarized zone where people are not to be disturbed. I mean, what next should i expect to see on the train? Uncles selling newspaper? Aunties selling tissue paper? Donation-can toting school kids? "Uncle, uncle, dont kehsi lah. 2 seconds ago you not sleeping one. Oei, donate money leh."

Sigh. I dont wish to speak on this issue anymore. Its sensitive and thus Carrie cant talk bout it. Anyway, i think Jon will fight me till death bout this.

The Poll Centre

2005-04-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

There we go. As expected, Samantha won the honour of the best loved SATC gal with a 45% vote. Charlotte and Carrie trails behind, both locked at 20%. And good try Miranda. I suppose your lesbian ways hurt people more than it should.

The Unfortunate Events of Kumon Workers

2005-04-25T23:12:00.000+08:00

What can be a happier job than having super flexible hours, sitting in an air-conditioned room and teaching angelic little kids to read and count? Well, nothing much. Except for maybe, just maybe not having an overbearing and tyrannical boss circling above you and waiting to pounce on your every mistake.

Before i start, i have to apologise as i'm still seething with anger and thus may exaggerate events.

Today started bright and early. Things seemed well as I sipped my tea and caught up with a bit of Oprah. Going to nus to get my checkup done was a chore, but accompanied by Zhenjin and the surprised meeting with some friends there made it bearable. Deciding not to eat at the campus, we went to Jack's Place at Orchard. The food was great, but the toilet was not. And we came across this crack couple who antagonised a poor waitress. Damn. Bet no one wants to work at the IR now.

We were about late for work, so we decided to notify our boss. Hmmm... Lets just call her Ms I. Dont want her to be terrorised do we? Anyway, the good lady's name rhymes with urine. We reached kumon earlier than we expected and proceeded to do our work. She wasnt in then. When she arrived, we could sense her anger. A red aura surrounded her. I stood in awe. It was like something out of Dragon Ball. We continued with our marking, secretly hoping that nothing will happen. Nothing.

She walked out of her room steathily. A submarine zooming in on its target. Eerie silence ensued as we tried not to notice her presence, thinking foolishly that this will help. Well, it did help. She had to bellow our names out first before our eyes came into contact. Tongues of her fire singed (from singe) my hair.

"NO ONE GOES HOME UNTIL I SAY SO TONIGHT!" She barks. Damn it. A dog sounds nicer.

We looked at each other silently. Our minds screamed: Stupid shit! Im gonna miss Desperate Housewives! Okay. Perhaps it was just mine. But damn it anyway. To set the record straight, we finished the preparation part before the kids arrived with ample, and i mean as big as Mariah's, time to spare.

We worked tirelessly that night. We smiled, entertained and marked papers like never before. I felt somewhat like a whore. However, Ms I hovered around us, giving us disapproving stares whenever we dared to look at her. She even made everyone finish up all the papers for that night before anybody could leave. If she could have left and bolted us in, I in all sincerity, think that she would. We left at near ten that night. Cold winds chilled our aching bones as we stepped out into the moonlight. We left with heavy hearts that night, not knowing what the next working day will be like.

God Bless Us.

The Carrie Moment

2005-04-25T08:01:00.000+08:00

Sitting in my plush chair in front of the luminous computer screen, I had time to rethink about the unfortunate events that had happened today. A boss whose nuts were screwed wrongly (sorry, but she didnt have no nuts) makes the lives of employees terribly unbearable. Are we suppose to actually take such unfair treatment just because the boss is having a menopause? And especially in the case of women. (Im sorry but im definitely not sexist. Im just direct.)

And thus the question comes to mind: Female Bosses. Emotional or Logical? Instinctive or Reactive?

The female population has been an oppressed group since the starting of time. From the beginning where Eve was just created from a bone of Adams', to the great dynasties of China where women were often treated at best as servants, till even now where honour killings are a norm in some Muslim countries. They place the female race, at best, a bit higher than the lifestock they rear. (at least can talk right)

Due to this, women have banded together. Like the famous example where one chopstick is easily broken, a bundle will withstand even the greatest strength, the female race stood together to be counted. Sisterhood was touted as the miracle drug, while sympathy and a dogged determination not to be trampled on ever again were the ingredients. The growing call to this peaceful protest allowed women to obtain better lives. However, some are emboldened by the movement and decide to push even further. Feminism and female elitism reared their ugly heads.

The problem is that due to this sudden surge of power, some females who are not ready for authoritative positions are just pushed into it. Not unlike Ms Urine. (in the Unfortunate Events of Kumon Workers) She, in all aspects, is a great mother. (im believing down here) She can function well in her tai-tai life, but being allowed to take charge is something wrong. Her experience at managing people is foetal and this is a big setback already. She has nothing to rely on when something does go wrong and thus will fall back on her most primitive instinct, being emotional. As shown by the example, she lets the displeasure get to her head and without any rhyme or reason, inflict what she perceives as a just punishment in her case. The Urine does not sit employees down to talk about the supposed injustice done towards her but allows the thought to run riot in her head and thus get emotional about it. To the sufferers, it is liken to sentencing without trial. Worse still, innocent bystanders get shot by the free-ranging bullets. (im so apologetic)

Many a time, we also read in papers of crazed attacks by women on their husband, their husband's property or anything related to their man. Reports tell stories, more often than not, of them biting off their man's private parts or sledging their way through his cars over beliefs that their hubby is out having affairs. An extramarital fling is obvously wrong. However, these women meted out punishment not because they saw the adulterous pair intertwined in comfy bed covers, but suspecting that it is happening. What if the poor sod is just trying to do business and earn for the family? What if he is framed by overzealous tale-tellers trying to spark new entertainment? What if it was just secretary week? The wives with their pentium 20 brains work their way through the worst scenarios and somehow, these get stuck in their minds, re-running and replaying endlessly. So much so that it becomes real and thus payback time is set. Emotional? Yes. Logical? Not when anger or revenge seeps through.

Lets now look at Ms Carly Fiorina, the ousted Hewlett Packard ceo. She was one of the most recognised and influential female players in the corporate world. Brought in to herald a new era for the ailing giants, she set about to cut losses and restructure the plodding technology giant. However, in buying out Compaq, it was deemed as more of an ego trip than a business deal. It seemed that logic was out of fashion for the most powerful woman. She proceeded on with the transaction amidst wild protests. Look where she is now. "While I regret the board and I have differences about how to execute HP's strategy, I respect their decision," said Ms Carly Fiorina. Damn it. Of course you will if have just gotten a severance pay worth a whopping US$21.1 million dollars after a meagre 6 months work. If freaking kumon so much as give me a $1000 retrenchment deal, i will gladly ship my aching ass somewhere else.

Last but not least, our home-making diva, Ms Martha Stewart. With endorsement deals, television series, magazines and a slew of books to her name, she became one of the richest woman in America. Of course, like any ordinary person trying to earn more than they should, they dabble in the volatile world of stocks. This high end gambling offers great odds and fast results. Results which may or may not be in your favour. Being thrust into limelight and power, whatever she touches becomes gold. The faux alchemist then decides to play god. Why should i lose money if my high post friends can bail me out of any losses. In this case, Peter Bacanovic from Merill Lynch aids her in her petty crime worth $50 000. Why did Martha do it? Someone rich and famous fearing a loss of $50 000? What can it get her? A trip to the Bahamas? A Frank Muller classic? A seat at the Oscars? It was more reaction than logical thought as she decided in an instant when Peter notified her of the inside news he had. "Oh no! Im gonna lose money?! *pause* Sell it! Sell! Sell!"

On the other hand, it is definitely unfair to blame a particular gender of character quirks. In this evolutionary age, people are androgynous. Males, females are no longer as different as they think they are. It is a continous variation brought about by the environment we are in now. Both genders now have parts of each others' perceived weaknesses and strengths. Males can be equally emotional and fashionable (like s.n.a.g.s and metrosexuals). Thus it is difficult to say that females cant lead as well as males.

In conclusion, i wont go as far as to certify that all females are definitely emotional and reactionary, but to some extent, most are. Some, like the Urine woman, need to have more sense. Well, if she needs some, my piggy bank welcomes her.

P.S. To chee wei: Call a bitch, a bitch. A bitch by another name does not smell as foul.

Yay!

2005-04-19T22:41:00.000+08:00

Okay. Im finally back. Yup. No big changes to my blog though, cept the fact that u wont be seeing those cool pictures anymore. Until i get my own laptop that is.

The Carrie Moment

2005-04-19T20:56:00.000+08:00

As i was walking home after my late night rendevouz with Tarnation (the SIFF film) on sunday, i saw this middle-aged lady struggling to lift her shopping cart up the curb. Perhaps it was the great music i was plugged into at that moment, or maybe it was chancing upon bingx and friends in the train on my way home, but i acted out of character as i went forward and offered my hand in marriage. No. Thats just a wishful thought. Instead, i offered help.

She looked glad and profuse thanks. I walked away nonchalantly as all guys will do. My head felt light and boy, was i happy to have helped another living soul. After ten or so steps, my mind derailed. Photographic imprints of her cart stared me in my face. Whoa wait! Wasnt that the ntuc shopping cart? Oh no. What have i done? I've helped a criminal get away with a cart. And so it set me thinking: Is it a crime to aid someone committing wrong, unknowingly?

As kylie continued to dance around and around in my ipod, my heart sank lower and lower as i knew now that i had not done any righteous, gentlemanly deed at all, but instead, may have committed a sin instead. Oh jon, save me.

Before he can, i had to save myself (since he lived so far and knows nothing of it as yet).

I reasoned. The person cant be in a wrong if he has no inkling of the crime the other person is committing. If he believes that whatever he is doing at that time, serves to help the other person in a way that is beneficial and does no harm in the act. Well, nobody has screwed the trainers at the Airman Flight School in Norman, Oklahoma for teaching Mohamed Atta and gang how to fly planes into buildings. Nor has anyone reprimanded J.lo's mum for encouraging her to act, for the matter of fact, to sing too.

However, other thoughts crept to my mind. (damn it. stupid brain) I suppose someone will have to be blamed. In a recent episode of Oprah, a poor young lady recounted that a month ago, she decided to bring her Oprah-crazed mother-in-law to one of her talkshows. After that wonderful event, she decided to let her mother-in-law rest and thus took over the driving duties for the ride home. However, a tragic accident occurred and her mother-in-law died in a crash while she fortunately survived. Fortunate or otherwise, she was blamed by the family for the painful loss. The lady was distraught and seeked suicide. So u see, someone does have to be made scapegoat or people arnt satisfied. Somehow or other, they feel that the matter has not been resolved.

So u see, being an accomplice unknowingly, doesnt qualify u to be shot on sight. What u did was in all aspects good. However the outcome being bad, makes u feel as if u are in the wrong. The emotional pain is enough punishment meted out. Nobody should make it worse. Well, nobody blamed Julius Robert Oppenheimer for destroying Hiroshima and Nagasaki with his atomic bombs, so i guess i shouldnt blame myself for what that evil lady has done.

Oh my god!

2005-04-19T06:06:00.000+08:00

Went to morris's blog and saw the entry bout the fur thingy. Thought that it was another silly 'Im wearing nothing for Peta' campaign, so i gave it a miss. But after listening to zhenjin and chee wei voice their horror bout whatever they saw, i decided to give it a look.

Damn it. To my utmost horror. Damn it. Its still in my mind. Damn it. I hate u morris.
I nearly even swore off eating meat.
Damn it. Its still squirming and that bastards still cutting.
Please.....

Sometimes i wonder why nobody voices out when chefs slice of flesh from live fishes or when they chuck live prawns, crabs, lobsters and shellfish into hot steaming water. Perhaps its becos they dont scream out in pain or that they dont struggle as pathetically as animals.

Sigh

Well...

2005-04-03T19:15:00.000+08:00

Uh.. So sorry. Guess i blanked out for a moment.

No worries though. Im back. Continue sending me e-mails cos everythings back up.

Stay tune to this space cos i'll be having a revamp soon.

Well, duh...

2005-02-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

In life, we will meet up with a lot of stuff that are inexplicably simple and obvious. Written in bold and flashing right in our faces in font size 72, we somehow look past them and move on. However, there are times when we are forced to look back and admit that others are correct. Like the following:

Me: ( talking to my friend) U know, its really irritating when people send u numbers in their sms. U have to memorise them and try to type them correctly in ur phone. Why cant they just send business cards?

Friend: What? Cant u just use the function in ur phone to choose that number?

Me: What u talking about? What stupid function? I have used this phone for so freaking long and i know nothing of it.

Friend: There, just choose the "use number" function here. There. Isnt it done?

Me: ( brain working overtime to reduce embarassment) Oh! Hahaha... yah hor. This function. I thought what. Hahaha..

Sometimes, it is very unethical to try to force a guy to admit to his mistakes. As u know, guys are more competitive and more 要面子. Drastic reactions may occur if not dealt with appropriately.

Me: ( playing Magic the gathering with my friend) So what u want to do? Faster lah. Stop wasting my time. {Sometimes when ur deck is lousy, u have to belittle ur friend instead.}

Friend: Wait lah. Haha. U are dead.

Me: Dead ur head lah. Want to kill me then faster lah. Think u so good meh?

Friend: There. 25 damage. Hahaha. U die already.

Me: Sure or not. Come, let me count.
{Taking my time to count and re-count. Just in case mah.} Haiya. Stupid game. Not fun one. Lets do something else.

But do u know whats the worst? Its when u are at a family gathering and they start sharing all the dark, embarassing secrets that u hope everyone has forgotten.

My Aunt: ...... yah, and he like crying in front of the whole school lor. ..... Wet his pants.... Hahahaha.... Yah. Have to drag him down... ahahaha....

My mum: Hahaha..... oh yah {Desperately eager to add her bit to the revolting pile} There was this time when we were at Pasir Ris park. Then nicholas decided to sit on this metal chain that hung between two posts. He was swinging on it and singing songs. So cute and funny. Then the chain just broke and he fell flat on his butt and started crying and crying...

Everyone else: Ha.. look at him, turning red already. Hahaha... so cute hahaha.

Me: {forcing a smile} ( in my mind) Stupid people. Stop laughing lah. Very funny meh. Bet ur son worst. Damn it.

Avril Lavigne

2005-02-13T16:12:00.000+08:00

Hey, Avril's comin to town in April for her one night gig at the indoor stadium. I wanna go. So does anyone want to go see her too?

Senseless...

2005-01-30T21:17:00.000+08:00

Firstly, i have to apologise for that utterly dumb post last week. I had nothing to say and was in a rush, so a whole lot of bullshit came out. But what else can u expect from me huh? Anyway, this week was a movie extravaganza. I watched 3 movies (not downloaded hor) on 3 different days with 3 different people at 3 different venues. So now u can see how terribly bored i am.

Haha.. i got u reading useless stuff again.

Hotel: Hope

2005-01-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

The first movie i watched this week was Hotel Rwanda. Wanted to watch Bad Education at first but somehow they didnt show sneaks. However, Im kinda glad cos this award-winner (the AGF People's Choice award of the Toronto International Film festival) was wonderfully tear-jerking.

Don Cheadle plays the hero Paul Rusesabagina, who is the hotel manager to be. He is the one who risked his life to shelter the Tutsis in his four-star Hotel Des Milles Collines in the capital city of Kigali. At first, u may find him to be inflexible and selfish, as he flatters and bribes the generals into favours. In the events of the killings, he only wanted his family to be safe, not caring if others were slaughtered. But slowly, he began to see that the others were human too. With their own families and friends, with their own daughters and sons. So alike him in colour, in language, in religion and in nature. However, all they were different were in their class and for that, they were being massacred.

U know, I shed a tear in the middle of the show. Two in fact cos i have a pair of eyes mah. Anyway, this is only the 2nd time i've ever cried for a movie. The slashing and bloodshed was sick and disgusting, but it is often in times of such dire straits that heroes are born. He was no swashbuckling Arnold Schwarzennegar with machine guns or parangs but with his calm and stubborn demeanour, he managed to get the 1000 odd Tutsis through the genocide.

I thought Don Cheadle was mesmerising. He was so convincing and touching at the same time that im still in awe.

U know, movies only succeed if they are able to provoke reaction or thought and this definitely did. Halfway thru the show, im thinking: What the hell have i been doing for the past 20 years? There is so so much going on around us and all we do is think about buying a new shirt or where are we going for dinner later. Its so sad that all of us are so un-initiated. Its not that we are apathetic cos we do feel for them but its just that inertia that bogs us down into thinking that we cannot do anything.

The Cameraman: Im sorry that u saw the pictures. (of the senseless slashings of the Tutsis by the Hutus) If i knew u were there, i wouldnt..

Paul: Don't worry sir. Instead Im glad that i saw it. At least i know that when the world sees it, they will react and know that it isnt just some civil war. They will be forced to help.

Cameraman: I don't think it works that way. Yah sure the folks will sit up and shake their heads when they see it on the news. But then they will continue on with their dinner or go back to their lives like nothing has happened.

Hiffie Alfie

2005-01-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

Im still wondering whether i've really watched the movie. Its so light and spots a few funny moments that its not enough to endear u to the show. Alfie bunks on the affable personality of its lead, Mr Smooth, Jude Law. This swinging bachelor has all his fun with many women, including his current squeeze, Sienne Miller and the evergreen Susan Sarandon.

His playboy ways with that never-say-never attitude (and i mean its never say never that he wont be in her bed by midnight) makes me wonder halfway thru the movie, God damn it! So what the hell is wrong with me! Why am i not having as much fun as him? Just maybe im not as good-looking and probably more sensible than him, i reasoned. Damn it!

Well, cant say much of the show since i did nearly fall asleep. Its a male version of Bridget Jones except that this man scores. Day, night, lunchtime, tea-time. It does not matter to him cos he can do it anywhere. Small scares and hiccups along the way, eg his temporary erectile problem, does nothing to his super-inflated ego as he cruises thru girls and sex like the way i cruise past all the flagsellers on saturdays. (just joking hor. Pls donate for a good cause)

But its a great movie for one simple reason. Its m18. Guess why? Cos u get to see Sienne Miller's boobs. I suppose thats why Judes still hook to Sienne. But i suppose he will soon come to see that owning the Alfie dvd is just as good and so girls, till then, pls take a look at the poor guys in Singapore.

Finding Yourself

2005-01-30T19:53:00.000+08:00

I loved Finding Neverland. It was so quiet and slow at the beginning that it bores. However, i was greatly entertained by the fidgeting noises people made, the crackling sound of popcorn in their mouths and the occasional handphone ringing. Whoa! So the coolest ringtone nowadays is.... Damn it! Stop all the moving and nonsense that u do in the theatres. It totally drags me out of the movie. Finding Neverland is all about dreaming. So u have to put everything outta ur mind and just go with the flow.

Johnny Depp is the man who wrote Peter Pan. He, who is coming off a lousy opening to his new play, chances upon four boys in the park. He manages to enchant them with his flights of fancy and in so doing, bring him closer to their widowed mother, Kate Winslet.

She plays the traditional british single mum role convincingly as she has to juggle her household chores and looking after her boisterous boys and a somewhat tragic secret. I so nearly weeped for her and i simply adored her. If all single mums were so beautiful, i would be in deep trouble.

The movie is enchantingly beautiful. Its starts whimpering but ends with such a romantic climax. The jokes arnt everywhere but just dotted tastefully amidst drama and sadness. Thats more so why the film soars cos its played out so simply. Pls do not put down the film cos its really about dreams and finding innocence amongst everything grown-up.

Utter Nonsense

2005-01-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

I hate bloggers.

Sometimes I wonder why anyone blogs. Why does anybody want to write about their day or any other terribly uninteresting thing and upload it for everyone to see? Absolutely everyone. I mean, ur neighbour may be looking at ur blog now and thinking: Oooh! So thats what he was doing the other night with the inflatable...

Most bloggers that i know of are an inane bunch of net-addicts. They spent almost all of their day and night basically attached to their computers. Now, they must be hoping that the computers are high tech enough to cook their food. Why, I bet they even have toilet bowls as chairs. I was reading the paper the other day when i came across this article about Prince Harry and Prince William actually helping out at the British Red Cross, packing food for the tsunami victims. Not that it matters cos its another article thats more relevant. There was this guy who is soo well-loved by his computer, that he perpetually regarded it as his birth parent. He was bound by its apron strings and never left it alone for more than half an hour a day. Talk about filial piety. This guy should be honoured on the Oprah show.

By the way, does anyone watch the Oprah Winfrey show? Its really one of the coolest talk shows that I've ever watched, eg Desperate Housewives, the Amazing Race and the Apprentice. She is so cool and so frank that its like finding a soul mate. And the stuff that she talks on her show are soo diverse and meaningful. Like today, she had her producers up to highlight the many screw-ups that happened during the show. The bloopers were antagonistically unfunny but the audience were thrilled to bits. Maybe they were just hoping that their enthusiasm will encourage the ever generous Oprah to throw them some free gifts. If u didnt know by now, Oprah is famous for surprising the audience with loads of FREE stuff. Free cars, free ipods, free underwear, free children... Sooner or later, people will think that she is the one who gave us all freedom.

And do u know that people actually have to ballot for her tickets? Its like some kinda prize. I mean, just imagine seeing ur mum jumping up and down, screaming," Aaaaaaah! I've won! I've won!" U would have thought that she has finally won a free cup of Starbucks double shot espresso, but noooo. She has just won something better. A non-refundable, non-exchangeable ticket to Oprah's show. There was this one instance on the blooper reel where they were showing the scenes when they were surprising the winners with the news that they were going to the Oprah show. This one lady told them all to,"Get the hell outta here! Who's this Oprah girl anyway. Is she the president?" Now she might have mixed Oprah up with Bush's biggest ally, Ms Condi Rice, but i think thats kinda hard, considering that both Bush and Rice came from the same family, somewhere in the mountains.

I hate blogging and I hate writing nonsensical stuff. I mean, u should have something exclusive and good in order to want to tell others. Stop wasting people's time. Time is precious. But can all of u get it out of ur mind that time is money? Cos Time is never money, or all of us would be indefinitely rich.

Sometimes, i think that clearing my leave and off affects me a great deal. I've much more time on my hands and definitely become more lazy. Thats why this post is actually done on Tuesday instead of whatever date i put below to fool u guys. Im lazy and crazy but i dont care cos i have to freakin go back to camp later in the afternoon to do, nothing.

Anyway, Carpe Diem! Remember, don't ever misuse time just because u have it. Instead. Blog. Cos u will waste other people's time instead.

P.S. Visit this guy's blog cos i think its really funny.

Hey! Aint that me?

2005-01-23T06:26:00.000+08:00

Well, I just decided to google my name and guess what, I found myself. Ok, a version of myself. Maybe thats what im gonna be like in a few years time huh.

See me

Ole! Singapore Ole!

2005-01-16T21:10:00.000+08:00

Well finally. Cant really believe it still but we have won the tiger cup again. After 6 long years of waiting, somehow, we have won it. A team that was underestimated and thought to be joining the games for experience has gone thru all that was thrown at them and emerged victorious.

sorry, cant find a better picture

Anyway, I had wanted to troop down to the National Stadium but didnt had the coveted tickets. So i had to make do with joining a bunch of people at carnavale at chijmes. Cant say its as exciting as the Man U vs Liverpool game but at least the players were playing well. Nice passing and shooting especially that by Indra. At least it wasnt like the 'just punt the ball up and someone will chase' mantra that players seem to have last time.

But i have come to notice something. Isnt it strange that hardly anyone bothered to support the national team when they were in the group stages? And we only had half the stadium filled when Myanmar came visiting. But curiously enough, fans suddenly popped up and thronged the National Stadium like it was business as usual. Were they fair-weather fans or the die-hard true supporters of the Singapore Lions? Die-hard? Or the revived die-heart?

I remember going with my friend Eugene to watch the Man U vs Singapore game a few years back. I was surprised cos everyone was in red. Man Utd red. Every flick and dummy, every feint and shimmy by the United players were met by screams of adulation but good plays by the Lions were met with subdued applause. I mean, i love Man U too, but its our national team man. They need our support too. I remember going wild with delight when Indra scored against United. Well hopefully with this win, the Lions will finally gain the admiration and support the team so rightly deserves.

Football Manager 2005

2005-01-16T15:44:00.000+08:00

Just started playing FM 2005. Its really quite fun cos its not as simple as i think it should be. Now I understand how Ferguson must have felt at the start of the season with Ferdinand out, Rooney injured and having an absolutely absymal lack of cover for ur midfield. I mean u must admit that Djembe Djembe, Kleberson, Fletcher and Phil Neville do not qualify even as household help. I lost my first game in charge against Auxerre but at least i beat Arsenal in the Charity Shield.

A screen shot

Its finally here!

2005-01-09T20:35:00.000+08:00

Yay! Im finally clearing my off! Its official and it feels great! Actually i feel kinda bad cos i know a lot of people are still unable to clear until earliest march 7, which is a long long time away. Haha... but it just feels marvellous not needing to care about camp.

But damn it. Cos i have to go for a dumb test two weeks later. On my birthday somemore..... sigh. Aiyah. Shouldnt grumble so much.

My Girlfriends

2005-01-09T17:35:00.000+08:00

Don't feel like writing much this week. So im gonna introduce u to my girlfriends. not. sigh

My lovely Gwyneth Paltrow. Mondays... and wednesdays

Drop dead gorgeous Angelina Jolie. Mother of one. Not my son though.

Stunningly, uh big? Who let her in? Definitely not me. Get away and join the dove parade, Ms Traci Bingham.

Its 2005!!!

2005-01-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

Happy happy New Year! Kinda wet start to the year cos it has been raining non-stop.
Went to Indochine at Clarke Quay yesterday night for the countdown. I must just say that i really cant drink. I suck at alcohol.(sounds funny doesnt it?) But it was really fun and interesting. I think we were the youngest there.

See the Aquarius sign down on the right? Its JANUARY! Strangely, being an aquarius, im rather adverse to water. Especially in my younger days. I remember crying and asking my mum to get me out of the swimming lessons cos i was so afraid of drowning.

誰も知らない

2005-01-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

Sorry. Nowadays i seem to be writing alot bout the recent films i have watched. Maybe its just that i have loads more time to watch movies now as my ord date nears.

Nobody Knows (Dare Mo Shiranai) is a beautifully sad picture of 4 kids and their mother.

The mum is a woman who either cant stand being alone without a man, or is genuinely looking for someone who can look after her children. The kids are all fathered by different people whom she found on her on-going quest.

The 4 kids live a life of seclusion. Only the eldest boy, Akira, is allowed to be seen by the neighbours. The other three are left to hide in the small apartment that they have rent.

One day, the mum leaves them to follow a new love. And the kids' tragic journey to look for love and acceptance begins.

The boy in the picture, Yuuya Yagira, who plays Akira, won the best actor award in Cannes 2004. It was a heart-rending performance and the show is really really good. Please go watch it if you have the time. And bring ur love one along.

I just love this picture. Its soo soo beautiful.

Hello! And Merry Christmas!

2004-12-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

It has been a wonderful christmas. Strangely, i must say that my wish has been fulfilled. I got my number 1 wish! Okay lah. Only partly. Cos i dreamt of it. Yah. Its actually only a dream but it was great anyway.

Its strange that after hoping for it to happen, i actually went to bed and experienced it in my dreams. I dont really remember dreaming it though. Its just that when i woke up, i felt as if it had happened and my heart was like at peace.

I dreamt of us, walking under the moonlight, along some streets. Us, just walking along. Not holding hands though. We were just enjoying each others companionship in the tranquil night when suddenly she said yes. And somehow i just knew that she had agreed for us to be together. My heart just heaved a huge sigh of relief. And i remember that i was just so happy that we both hugged. The thing is i even saw her face.

However, that day was terrible for me cos i knew it was all a dream. But it had felt so good then. Sigh... i kinda moaned for the entire day after that. Nothing seemed to be able to lift my spirits.

It was even worse when i read my horoscope yesterday and it said that i should not take my dreams seriously! Aaaargh... How did they even know i was dreaming something, if anything at all.

Anyway, my friend told me that my blog has sooo many pictures. So i have decided to clean it up for this week. Enjoy the emptiness. Just like how i feel.

Who Da Hustler?

2004-12-26T17:09:00.000+08:00

Presenting...... Comic genius Mr Stephen Chow!

Watched Kung Fu Hustle yesterday. It was wonderfully funny. Thank god that Stephen Chow departed from his usual slapstick comedy. He really has arrived as the comic genius of Hong Kong, so much so that this film was heavily invested by western interest.

Since the surprise departure from his usual slapstick in his last movie, Shaolin Soccer, the world has indeed been waiting with some fervour for his new film. Stephen Chow has finally realised that you do not need to be acting funny every second to be noted. All you need are some artsy scenes, some tragic moments and the funny clips will be greater contrasted and better appreciated. I don't think i can heap any more praise to such a great film. But i must warn you that there are some rather graphic scenes in their till death do we fight attitude.

Visit Kung Fu Hustle at Sony Pictures for 4 inexplicably fun games. There's one fighting game ala Street Fighter where you go against the mooning barber, the fairy tailor and even the head of the Axe Gang. Another is kinda like King Kong as you jump over rats and dodge the Landladys flying flower pots as you try to finish chores. The third is really interesting where you fling axes and try to kill all the crazy axe gang members. The last is a puzzle bobble look alike as you try to placid adorable kids running towards you with different choices of ice cream. Enjoy!

Yes! Don't Deny It. Cos Its CHRISTMAS!

2004-12-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yay! I have finally finished it. This Christmas theme took me like the whole morning. But look at it as much as u can for now, cos its only for Christmas!

Actually, i kinda like to tweak my template cos i can learn so so much as i try to make changes. And much better, i wastes loads of time that otherwise will be spent outside. Shopping. I must say im kinda broke for now. Bought too many clothes in the past few months.

Twelve, the new eleven.........

2004-12-19T22:05:00.000+08:00

Er.. Sorry Mr Soderberg, but what was the story again?

Dear Mr Steven Sorderberg,

when I heard about your new film, Oceans Twelve, I was very excited. Nearly had a heart attack to say the least. It was because Oceans Eleven was such a beautifully constructed thief heist. It had a smooth and intricate plot, with luxurious scenes and a mind-blowing cast of whos who in Hollywood. And when i heard that twelve is the new eleven, i just couldnt stop salivating. Its just like purple being the new black this season. Whoa!

Yesterday, I trooped down to the theatres as fast as i could, jumping out of the way of your many detractors (ie the critics) and got myself a seat to watch your latest offering. I clapped my hands in glee and congratulated myself for getting seats. My mouth watered but i had my vanilla coke at hand to quench my thirst. The many silly ads including the rather interesting one of Jim Carrey in his new show, Lemony Snicketts Series of Unfortunate Events, all but whet my appetite. I was hungering for more. I just wanted to watch your bloody show!

Well, good things will finally come to those who wait, patiently or not.

The only thing i wanna say is, the hot dog was much better than your show.

I mean, whats with all the fancy artsy scenes? You know, i didnt even know what were you doing at first when you seem to show random cuts of people talking nonsense and Terry Benedict (the man they stole from) going up to them. And only later do i realise that those people were part of the Eleven. Ha. Sorry. But i think i had stardust in my eyes just then. Anyway, we had Wong Kar Wai moments where all we see are two very quiet human beings making awkward conversations. For a moment i thought Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones were Tony Leung and Maggie Chueng. And also the one sentence conversations people were having. And the silly scenes that flit from one lovely place to another with no apparent usage except to showcase the beautiful country.

Where did the slick robbery action go to? I was there to see you plan out a burglary that will make me go weak in my rusted knees. All i've got is some Haha, I tricked you into believing they were caught but in fact this was part of their big plan. They have already got everything sorted out, so Haha. Damn! If i wanted to see the something like that, i could have read an Agatha Christie book. I want to see the action and not be fooled. And the real heist was like so so lame that i nearly needed to go back to KKH for a review.

Congrats Mr Soderberg. You were so slick in your thievery that i didnt realise that my money was lost. You are lucky that the theatres dont offer refunds. Well, twelve isnt the new eleven, its a big fat zero.

All I want for Christmas.....

2004-12-19T17:57:00.000+08:00

Well, as the title goes, this will be a count-down of things that i wish to have for Christmas.

8.

To the guy who stole my shoe: Oei! Its Christmas lah! You want it also don't go stealing from others mah. And it was my favourite pair somemore.

Its cheap. Only $99. But i loved it cos its soo comfy and retro. And you wont recognise its adidas cos it doesnt have the 3 stripes down the side. Its not for sale anymore except that japanese online store. Aaaah! I want it back.

7.

U know, i keep dreaming of it. I can see myself holding either one of the phones. I am walking down the street when suddenly the mysterious Harry Porter tune floats out from nowhere. I look around curiously until i realise that it is my phone. Oh yah. And my msg tone will be Homer Simpson going, "Why you little...!"

6.

I just bought a jacket from there and all i can say is that it looks damn good. I love their look. I just want somemore.

5.

I love G-star. I want G-star. I only have a long sleeve shirt from there, courtesy of some cajoling from george. I think its rugged look is very enticing. But its expensive too. Im hoping to get something from there as a birthday gift from someone.

4.

These watches are stunning arnt they? I plan to at least own one before i die. The Franck Muller Tourbillon actually costs $99 000. But hey, its drop-dead gorgeous.

3.

This is what i call keeping it real. You always have to have something within your own spending limits or it will be so sad. I absolutely love the Nordic countries. Especially Norway and Sweden. Wish to visit them soon.

2.

Im so clever. U can see the names of the cars if u leave ur cursor over the pictures.
Every boy's wet dream is to own a flashy sports car. Dont they look mouth-watering?

1.

And all I want for Christmas, is you........

Phones Galore!

2004-12-12T21:52:00.000+08:00

Aiyah. Need to buy new phone already. But dont really know which one to get leh. I have wanted the samsung e8ooc for quite some time already. But for a phone that has not much functions compared to something like sony's k700i, it is really expensive. What the heck! It looks real cool doesnt it? It even comes in pink now. How i wish it comes in a more manly colour too.

Or should i get the new motorola e680? Its so cool cos its touch screen. Which means finally i can just type my messages on the screen. At first i thought it was just another pda wannabe, who's trying to be a phone, but look at it man. I hate the stylus though. Bad point however, is that its super thick. Like ipod like that lor. Dont want 2 things sticking in my pocket. And its quite ex. 800+ for a new contract. Sigh......

And finally, something that hasnt arrive yet but will do so soon i hope. The new samsung d500. Whats amazing is that this is the first, FINALLY, of the samsung breed with BLUETOOTH. Something that i think is quite important for me and its the thing thats stopping me from grabbing the e800c. It has EVERYTHING. Bluetooth, mp3, camera, video..... Basically, all that nokia phones have now. I bet its super pricey though. So have to wait and see.

Hey ZJ

2004-12-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

If u wanna add links to ur blog, check out this site. Adding Links

The Eminem Show

2004-12-12T17:22:00.000+08:00

Mr Eminem: Sir! Sir! I have a question.

Eminem: Uh... Excuse me Mr President, can i ask you a little question? I won't take long. I am from Respect Another's Property association. May i ask why is it that we still have troops in both Afghanistan and Iraq. Since we have liberated them from their so-called deranged captors and they have come up with their own governments, shouldnt we leave the place to their own jurisdiction? And what about the millions situated in Vietnam, Japan and many other countries all over the world? What is their purpose there?

Mr President Bush: Ummmm...... My mouth is still stiff. Cant move it. Damn! The botox hasnt worn off yet.

pan angle for a wider shot

Bush: I think its about to wear off. Oh no... Have to answer questions again. Should have just ask my plastic surgeon to anaesthesize me. Hmmm..... Why the question so difficult?

Bush: *Ding Ding* (Light bulb above head. Errrrm sorry, Big light bulb around head)

Bush: You are from the Respect Another's Property association right? Why don't you respect my decision instead you nosey fella. Hahaha... But seriously, Don't you think its a great thing to do? We just have too many horny young fellas in our country. We have to set them lose in some other land or they will cause rampage in our country. You don't want that do you?

Eminem: Oh my.... You arnt for real are you? Are you saying that those guys are left there to satisfy their inane pleasure cause you don't want them to bring their problems to our land? But those are our countryman. And they are bringing great harm to those in other countries. How could you? My my my, i'm shocked.

Bush: Come here little boy. Come let papa give you a hug.

Eminem: No thanks My reverent priest.

Bush: Want to know something else? Actually, all these so called peace corps personnel are prisoners. Hahaha. Yeah. Fresh jailbirds all sent from courts directly overseas. A great relief to our penitentiaries. Clever ploy right? And guess whats more. They are all charged for crimes ranging from child rape to murder. Hahaha.....

Bush: HAHAHAHAHA.....

Crowd: er...hahaha....

Condi Rice: hahaha... (stupid fool! Did he really have to say everything out?)

Chinese guy behind: HAHAHAHA.... He's doomed. US is doomed.... Go China Go! Hahahaha....

Guy behind: Hey! He is brave huh. We germans don't even dare to say our policy out like that.

Rice: Uh hahaha.... (shit! we are sooo dead)

Bush: Whats more. We have them situated in so many countries so that they will produce an international array of babies! All American! All ours! And then we use them to conquer the world. Hahahaha....

Matt Le Blanc: Ha. Didn't i write that line? Maybe he read my idiot's guide to being president.

Yak, Yak, Yak......

2004-12-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

Yay! Its finally here. Its DECEMBER. Which means holidays, gifts, fun and slacking. U know, I have never had so much fun in camp since that time my lousy CSM left. Aaaargh... Hope nobody who reads this knows him. Anyway, im sleeping in camp the whole day. From the time i wake up, eh wait, i dont really wake up cos its always back to sleep immediately. Sleeping is now officially not a rarity cos its a past-time. And whats more. Everybody is clearing their leave and off so nobody cares! Anyway, im on leave this coming week from tues to thurs, so if anyone is free.....

Look! My orchid has finally bloomed!

Stupid Chelsea!

2004-12-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

This is it. I hate Chelsea. Wah, did u see them play yesterday? They dont deserve to win! Though Newcastle was terrible individually, they played well enough to come away happy. Aaaargh... With their embarrassing riches both on and off the pitch, they may just win the Champions League too. Damn!

Hey George!

2004-12-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

Hey, this is the shirt that I got Kah Yong to buy. Think u would love it.

A Day in The Life of an Italian PM

2004-12-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

Italian Pm Silvio Berlusconi: And today, on the EU conference, we are to look at the increasingly difficult problem of ......... ( Sigh. Nobody's listening. Wonder why did i have to come here. Let me test it out then.) Blah blah blah, la la, da di da. Wow! Jacques Chirac looks like he is actually listening. Hey! What's that? Eh Blair! Who are you snogging down there? Oh shit! Is that Lewinsky? Oh my god! Hey! Is anyone listening? Aaaargh....

Silvio: So you see, we need to have these meetings in a more serious mood. Nobody was listening to me just now. I was talking nonsense and even caught Blair making out, but absolutely no one was listening.

EU president Joseph Borrell: Hmm.. wonder what's for lunch later. Maybe i can sneak out of the spaniard geezer's speech and grab a drink at the bar outside.....

Spanish Pm Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero: Did you love me? Did you fall in love with my speech just now? I was so very good wasn't i? Look into my eyes and tell me i was wonderful.

Silvio: *smiling politely* (Damn it! Stupid idiot. Get out of my face. Must you stick so bloody close? Wah! Bad breath! Quick, i need air. Must find distraction. Ooooh, his teeth are very nice.)

Austrian Chancellor Wolfgang Schussel: Hey! You gave an inspirational speech just now. You had me at hello. Hello! And how the hell did you withstand Luis Rodriguez? He is totally in love with himself. And did you smell his breath? Eeeew... (Yeah. Now i can just stone and let him yak away.)

Silvio: Hahaha... Glad you noticed. It was nothing much. All i did was to let him talk, you know. Some people just love to talk. And all you need to do is to lend them a listening ear. Haha.. I was great wasn't i? You see, you can learn if you ................. and just buy my instructional videos. Hey! Schussel? SCHUSSEL! Are you still here with me?

Silvio: Haha. It has been a long long time huh! My dearest Jacques. *mumbles* *Better ham it up, there are a lot of reporters around.* Still so young and healthy huh!

French President Jacques Chirac: Hahaha. You stupid fool. Still so childish at heart. Come. Let me smack your hand.

Silvio: Hahaha... You miss. You are getting old. Lie down and rest if you are tired already.

Chirac: Haha... I missed so as not to embarrass you. My hundred fisted buddha slap can destroy all the bones in your puny hand. Hahaha..

Italian President Carlo Azeglio: Mr Berlusconi. Finally i have caught up with you. So how are you going to deal with our faltering economy? You have not handed in the quarterly reports too!

Silvio: Er..... Hey look! What's that in the sky? Its Marilyn Manson, uh i mean Monroe. Hahaha.. Marilyn Monroe.

Azeglio: Monroe? Where, where? Is her skirt up again?

Silvio: Whoa! Lucky i got out of there quick. Shit. I must really start doing real work or that old man will give me the sack.

Silvio: Well, time to go guys. Great to have met you all today. Lets have tea soon. Hahaha.
Oi! Let go of my sleeves Chirac!

Guy talking to lady in red: Quick! Lets get out before they notice us.

Beauties Nominated

2004-12-05T20:55:00.000+08:00

Today, I bring you some of the great lookers in the world of the movies. They aren't just any actress, they are being nominated for their portrayal in the following movies.

Here's the one and only Nicole Kidman. Nominated for her role in the controversial movie, Birth

We have not seen her on a big budget show since that mighty tear-jerker of the Titanic. Here is Kate Winslet. Nominated for not laughing at her co-star, Mr Funnyman, Jim Carrey, in the movie, Eternal Sunshine.

And here we have Cate Blanchett, nominated for her role in the Life Aquatic

Came. Saw. Disgusted. Surprised.

2004-11-28T22:34:00.000+08:00

This was another slack week for me. After comin back from Taiwan, i have been feeling terribly disorientated. I always seem to be wanting and wishing that i was back there. U know, just having fun and shopping and having absolutely no worries at all.

Anyway, on friday, my unit decided to go watch the movie "Saw". Yah. They actually booked two entire theatres to watch the same show at the same time. And everyone had a drink and popcorn to boot. The movie was all about bad acting and macarbe killings. The silly doctor guy in the movie is such a hoot cos he cant act for nuts. ( but of cos, he was paid for his role. Damn!) He acts overly calm for someone stuck in such a perverse situation but turns to exaggerated madness when told his wife is kidnapped. Fake. Silly. Yes. But thank god for the plot. It was an interesting idea to have the main action at only one set. Its kinda like a theatre piece where u can watch it on a stage instead of a screen. But still, the beautiful thing was its ending. Without it, i bet everyone would be cursing and putting down the show. U must really watch it for the ending.

U know, i have never ever invited anyone to my home. So here's a sneak view of my home. Okay lah, its only the view from my balcony. But its what i look at everyday.

Foreword:

2004-11-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

Sorry, but today's column will all be about my trip to Taiwan. And warning, cos there are loads of pictures. So it may take a while to download the page. And there will be chinese. Yes! I will be writing chinese here for the first time. Pls forgive me if there any mistakes.

If you cannot view the chinese words, pls go to View>Encoding>Look for Unicode

Taiwan Rocks!

2004-11-21T15:58:00.000+08:00

在這裡﹐我要先謝謝矩仰這麼地照顧我們。因為有您﹐我們這次的行程才如此的多姿多彩。您熱誠的招待﹐讓我們感到非常溫馨。若您有機會再到新加坡遊玩的話﹐我們倆一定非常歡迎。希望您會記得我。

在寫此的當兒﹐我吃着在深坑買的料理。我很懷念在台灣的那幾天。

這是我在台灣拍的第一張照。這是台北車站。有着獨特的建築風采。這是當矩仰帶我們去看回機場的巴士的時候所拍的。

This is a picture of the Taipei train station. It was the first picture that i took in Taiwan. Strange cos i didnt take a photo of the airport. The structure of this building is really unique compared to our own train station.

過後﹐我們到了基隆。記得在車上我與一名叔叔聊了起來。談着談着就講起台灣與中國的話題。他讓我真正了解台灣人對于這課題的想法﹐而不是報刊或政治家的評論。

Here we are, taken at the train station in Kee Lung. Its a sea side place. So their night market was filled with sea food.

我喜歡在別人不禁意的時候﹐拍下可貴的一幕。這就是這麼一張。左邊的那一位就是矩仰了。右邊的則是家榮。

I love taking natural shots of ppl. And this is one of them. We are walking down the streets to get to the night market. The one on the left is Ju Yang while that on the right is Kah Yong.

這是在基隆夜市所拍的照片。那兒非常熱鬧。吃的也很多。

This is taken at Kee Lung night market. As u can see, its very crowded. And there were loads to eat.

過後﹐我們到了矩仰的家。這有點象阿亮找到他所要尋找的人的模樣。

This is Ju Yang in front of his house's gate. He forgot to bring his key though. So he had to buzz for his mum to open the door.

雖然天色已暗﹐但矩仰把我們帶上貓空去飲茶聊天。可是那瓶茶十分貴。不一會兒就喝了500元台幣。但那兒實在是個談天的好去處。風景也十分迷人。

Later, we went up to Mao Kung. Its a hill with lots of tea places. We drank and talked all the way till bout 11+.

隔天﹐我們一大清早便起床了。矩仰說要讓我們試騎他的機車。其實我非常害怕。由于是第一此的關係﹐而且我很害怕會把他的車給摔壞。我騎得很差。連家榮都比我好多了。

The next morning, Ju Yang surprised us by asking us whether we would like to try out his scooter. I was scared but it was like kinda fun. I remember that I was like shit. The power was sudden and scary. I wasnt any good at it cos I could hardly let both my feet leave the ground. It was very fun though.

這是我們在陽明山拍的照片。若沒記錯的話﹐這應該是小油坑。記得那兒正下著綿綿細雨。加上陣陣的微風迎面吹來﹐我們都非常地冷。

This is on Yang Ming mountain. It was drizzling at the time and the wind was blowing. I was super cold. My hands nearly froze. There wasnt much to see because of the mist.

我們正在野柳。雨一直下。我們雖然有帶雨傘﹐但都濕了。這是最精彩與好玩的一天。記得我們不停地爬到最遠最高處。雖然有點累﹐但在亭上觀賞到的風景讓一切都值得。

We are now at Ye Liu. Its a sea side area. The rain kept coming and thus the waves were strong. We climbed all the way along the headland till the tip. Although it was tiring, the resulting view was worth it all.

這是我們與矩仰父母的合照。他們非常地照顧我們。很不好意思打擾他們。

This are his parents. They were very kind and helpful. Even helped plan our journey for the day and provided us with food and drinks in case we went hungry. Such very nice people.

矩仰﹗真后愧離開您家到這兒來睡。看。地方實在小。

Sigh... Left Ju Yang's house to stay in the hotel. We were shocked to see our room so so small. Shouldnt have left his house....

沒有了矩仰﹐我們只好自己到處遊玩。第一站就去泡溫泉。我只有一句話。溫泉實在是非常地熱。我們倆一腳一踏進去便立刻又舉起。感覺似乎被燒傷。我沒想到溫泉其實會那麼熱。別以為我在享受。其實我在流汗。一直只等著出去吧了。而且我們去的溫泉館很貴。一人480台幣。應為想找個私人池。可是最後也是有很多人在泡﹐所以覺得有點浪費。

We went to soak in their famous hot springs. Went to a place which was quite expensive cos we wanted some privacy. Cost $24 compared to a public pool which costs only $2. Ahh... felt cheated cos still so many people and the place like quite shoddy.

當晚﹐我們到了淡水。去了那兒的夜市。與基隆的夜市比起來﹐這兒就差了些。買了鐵蛋也吃了阿給。

This is Dan Sui. Went to their night market to but tie dan. Not as busy as the one in Kee Lung.

我們隔天到了國家劇院那兒拍照留念。
記得我們爬上那階梯去看敬禮儀式。因為當我爬上去後﹐已經氣喘如牛。十分疲累。就是在這個時候﹐我發現旁邊原來有電梯。嗨﹗真是笨。

We later went Chiang Kai Shiek memorial hall to visit. Remember climbing up the steps cos I was nearly half dead by the time i reach the top. Then i realise there was a lift by the side. Sigh....

我們去看了101大廈。裡面的店非常高級。只能看不能買。

This is 101 building. There were so many classy shops inside. They even had a Jean Paul Gautier shop. Impressive.

晚上﹐我們去了市林夜市。那兒熱鬧非凡。人山人海。吃的買的也很多。那晚是我們的最後一夜。所以有點不想回去的感覺。可是我們還是回去了。我們還去看了一部戲。看了' The Incredibles'。但票比新加坡來得貴些。

Went to Shilin night market after that. There were lots of things to buy and eat there. Went to watch a movie after that. The Incredibles. In english of cos. Quite expensive though. Bout 10+ for the ticket alone.

這是在離開那天早上照的。因為覺得很奇怪。我不知到台灣也有象日本一樣對顧客的招待。他們都站在門外向進門的顧客表示歡迎。令我覺得非常敬佩。希望有一天新加坡也會有這麼好的服務態度。

Took this cos I felt strange seeing it in Taiwan. Thought it only happened in Japan. But it was really cool cos they would welcome anyone who went in.

玩了5天﹐雖然有點不捨﹐但也沒辦法。快樂的時光總會結束。所以我有時不喜歡出國遊玩就是這樣。因為會非常地傷心。

Well, here i am leaving Taiwan. Its sad but all good things must always come to an end. So till the next time......

矩仰。我會把照片印刷後交給家榮寄給您。希望您會記得我們在一起的時光。

Gone Tomorrow

2004-11-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

Okay. Im finally going to leave for taiwan tmr. Yeah! Finally. After talking bout it for weeks.
U know, its really strange. I dont know why but it seems that everytime i go vacation or something, the few days before it never seem any different. I mean, theres like no hype, no rushing around to buy stuff or changing of currencies. Its like life just goes on per normal. Remember the last time i went for the England trip with my schoolmates. The day before i was still in school playing soccer. But anyway i must say that it will be interesting cos we will be going free and easy, with no one to bring us around. It will be exciting to roam around alone. I just hope i get to watch the man u vs newcastle match on sunday midnight. Probably in a pub, somewhere along the streets of taipei.

Heres a picture of my dog. Its a girl. But she behaves more like a guy. By the way, her name's Tasha. Its her moms name actually, but i thought it sounded good for her.

Who Says That TV Encourages Violence?

2004-11-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

Just what if it was Iraq who produced Sesame Streets......

Ernie: Hey Bert.

Bert: Yes, Ernie?

Ernie: Hey Bert.

Bert: YES, Ernie?

Ernie: Hey Bert.

Bert: YEAH? ERNIE?

Ernie: What Bert?

Bert: What what Ernie?

Ernie: Didn't you call me?

Bert: No I didn't. You were the one who called me.

Ernie: No I didn't. You must be dreaming. Lalalalalalal.....Dadadada.....Hey Bert.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Bert: I think I heard something. Did anybody hear someone calling me?

Cookie Monster: Mmmmmmh...... machine gun. Yummy.

The Spy Who Needed a Valet.

2004-11-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

Mike Myers: Shit! Must the paparazzi be everywhere? Damn! Quick! Strike a pose, strike a pose. Damnnit! Why must I put out this peace thingy? I must look like a fool. Aaargh...

Chinese valet: No use for the peace sign now. Cheap white trash. No tip huh! Hmm... Wonder how much his car will sell on Ebay?

I'm a Mickey Mouse Kid

2004-11-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

Mumbling under their breath

Daughter Amber: Umm... Daddy, do I look stupid with my pink rafia extensions? Do you think my friends will laugh at me tomorrow?

Lawrence Dallaglio: Ha. No deary. You look absolutely gorgeous with those strings in your hair. Are you sure its not real hair? I thought they were your hair. (Hahaha.... stupid girl. Had i known it was so easy, I should have just made you wear the big bird outfit out. Hahaha...)

Outkast!

2004-11-13T19:20:00.000+08:00

Right man: U know, I just heard people calling us outcast the other day. I mean, Im surrounded by people man, u know, humanized people. How can they call us outcast? We are no outcast u know what i mean.

Left man: Yeah, right. (Right after u get outta ya tiger prints, u freako.)

Victoria's Secret

2004-11-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

As if its a secret anymore. This girls just rule. Especially Adriana Lima.

From left to right: Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Gisele Bundchen, Tyra Banks and Heidi Klum

Taiwan-Bound

2004-11-07T17:09:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. As if anyone of u dont know already. Im going to Taiwan soon. Just a week from now. Im going there to shop and eat. Shop and eat. But before i have even left this place, i have already bought another 2 clothes. Aaaargh... im getting very very spendthrift. Must stop splurging. Is there a shopaholic anonymous group somewhere that i can join? And oh for the first time, after my trip, u will be able to see pictures of me on this site. I will bring u some of the interesting sites and pics straight from the streets of Taipei.

Army Excursions??

2004-11-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

U know, im starting to like being in my unit these days cos its beginning to feel more and more alike school. We now have trips out of camp, to visit places in singapore that we would never have dreamt of going if we were sane-minded.

Okay, okay. I have to admit that it was kinda fun. We were dragged out of camp on monday to visit the Sungei Buloh wetland nature reserve. Actually we could have just walked around in our camp cos there was hardly any difference. It was all greens and sand. Nothing our camp couldnt match. The reserve even lost out in the number of mosquitos. Sigh.. What a letdown.

We went to some dumb wheatgrass farm after that. There was absolutely nothing interesting with the way plants grow and everybody was just dying to leave. But the worst thing was that there werent any transport outta that place. It was a nightmare cos hardly any taxis wanted to come in. We had to trudge out to the nearest bus stop about 5 miles out. Under the scorching sun no less.

Friday was a bit better cos we headed towards Jurong Island to visit the industries on the isle. It was interesting cos how many would actually have a chance to see this place. It was carefully guarded and we had to go thru scans alike that of the causeway. But best of all, we didnt have to get down to walk much cos it was mostly a bus tour. Air-con and comfy plushy seats. Whats not to like?

Just hope that such relaxing stuff will continue all the way till i ord.

Winner! Bush Wong!

2004-11-07T16:33:00.000+08:00

Bush Wong: *chuckle chuckle* I have won! I have won! *sneer* Loser Kerry.... Thought he could win if he expose my real identity as a chinese. Bwahaha... Now, even the normally democrat-voting Asians have come to side with me in their bid to make China the biggest superpower in the world. Our plan is coming together. Bwahahaha...

John Kerry: Shucks! What should i do now? I need my script consultant! He didnt tell me what to say if this happens. Damn it! I was just a tad too overconfident i suppose. I thought that Chinaman expose was suppose to be the killing blow. Im doomed.... Must keep calm now and think of a plan. Ohmmmmmm....... Shit! The stupid yoga shit isnt working at all. Hmm.... Maybe if i just feint a migraine, i could get out of here without saying anything.

June Whitefield aka Fairy Godmother: Now now my dearest Kerry boy. You can't be such a sore loser all the time. Go shake that bugger's hand. Be sure to spray his hands first with one of the anti-bacterial spray washes that i gave you. Hey! What the heck! Aaaaargh! I have a hand growing out of my head!! Buffy! Save me! Damn it you stupid hand. You are on the wrong head. Its Sarah Michelle Gellar not me!

Wong: Crazy twit! Sprayed my hand with some water thingy. Maybe its a SARs infection kit. He must be damn upset by his lost. Hmmm.... should get someone to check my hand up later and sue him if there's something wrong.

Kerry: Must try not to shake his hand. It will all be over with this handshake. It will be like admitting defeat. Maybe i can still delay it for a while by demanding a re-count. Neh neh... You cannot catch my hand...

Wong: Hey! Stop that you flip-flopper! Now your hand's just like you. Flippy-flopping around. Let me shake your hand!

Wong: There! Damn it! I have finally caught you. Thank god. We could have been here all night.

Wong: Kerry oh Kerry. You are so useless and old. How could you even believe that you could have beaten me? What with me saying that I represent strong moral values and the like. I could be caught molesting people and all I have to say is that i have strong moral values and have my wife back me up and ta-da, everyone will love me as if nothing ever happened. Just ask Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hahaha...

Kerry: Uh... Sorry hor, but can you wait for my script writer to come? I don't really know what you trying to say.

Wong: Well, would you understand if I told you that your wife has been 'escorted' by my beloved Condoleeza to the nearby planet of Mars

Kerry: Huh! My wife? My wife! What happened to her? Oei! What you do to her? Somebody saaaaave me! Aaah! Aaaaah!

Wong: Calm down. I think you need your script writer. You are beginning to speak Singlish. Don't you dare pollute Americans with your brand of english.

Mr Teresa Heinz: My darling! I'm here. Don't worry my dearest. Come! Give me a hug. How could you even believe that i left with Ms Carbohydrate? I'm not straight. You should know that by now. Look, I even went for a plastic surgery for you. How could you even doubt me?!

Teresa: Whoa! I'm getting faint. Wow! Kerry's body odour is getting real bad these days. Pssst.... Can you help me get that guy over there? I want him for supper tonight.

Ageless Beauties

2004-11-07T15:38:00.000+08:00

Time has not and definitely does not seem to affect these beauties. Some have been lovely for ages while the others are looking to displace them. Fret not. All are head-turners in their own right.

First up is Ms Peek-a-Boo. The beautiful Sharon Stone

Like a fairy. She floats about in her fragile pink dress. Here is Ms Emmy Rossum

The true timeless beauty. Just like Maggie Cheung. She is one of my favourites. She is Mrs Julia Roberts

Touted as the next big thing. She is indeed a stunner, as countless suitors will agree on. This is OC's Ms Mischa Barton

Whimsical Wanderings of a Frightened Mind

2004-10-31T19:45:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... I watched the Manchurian Candidate on friday. I must say that it was very thought-provoking. Not just becos of the oh too real plot of rich, powerful corporations being able to buy and insert politicians into the government, but more so becos of the super realistic acts of brutal killing depicted in the show.

I must say that im rather aghast at the media for relaxing its limits at the amount of violence shown on tv nowadays. Do u remember when was it that u actually saw dead bodies on tv or in the newspapers when u were younger? No I dont cos there werent any. It was like a taboo. A big no no to show such things on a public medium. People shun channels or papers with such pictures cos they were gruesome and scary. But look at the media now. When I first saw channel 8 showing the actual beheading of the American guy, nick something, on tv, I was disgusted. Not only by the ugliness of the act, but also by the willingness of the broadcaster to show something which I deem unsuitable for mass viewing. It was like tabloid material. "I dare to show something more. Something scandalous. Something out of the limits." Just so as to gain more viewership.

U know, the media is suppose to be responsible to the public. They cant act to their own whims and fancies just to increase their readership or viewership. What do they expect from showing such pictures to the masses? "Oh, I am preparing them for the future. U know, just in case they see somebody dead on the streets and they go aaaah... and run away. Well, now they could go, 'Hey, i have seen this before. I think this guys dead.' " Wow! So bloody social-conscious. I dont know bout u but the thing is with more and more of such brutal acts and deranged pictures shown on public medium, people, yes, will get immune to it. Do u still remember the pics of the 2 Saddam sons who were killed by US forces? Their faces were bloated, bruised and sewed together. Like Chucky in childs play. But this is real. Real dead human. Real scars. Real blood. Real death. Their pictures were splashed on both the Straits Times and The New Paper. It was ugly. It was scary. It was uncalled for. Do we actually need to see them dead? Do we need to see their bruised and battered faces? Do we need to see the pain in their opened eyes? I dont think I was happy seeing them like that. Were you?

The problem with all these pictures and clips of brutal acts is that they shouldnt have happened in the first place. Now that they have happened, we do not need to see them. In public media more so. Everybody is able to view them. Everyone. Including kids. Children. Innocent, idealistic, simple minded children. U want them to see dead people too is it?
Everyone just gets numb after being exposed to such things over a period of time. I see myself just not bothering with such pictures when they come up on the papers nowadays. I see children telling me, "Yah. Dead people lah. Aiyah, die already all look like that one." The three kids that I tutor tell me that they just laugh at the beheading clip when they saw it on tv. I was shock, i must say. Saddened too. I asked them why they found it funny. They said they saw it frequent enough as their father often buys videos of such things. Banned tapes from China to watch, share with the family. I was immediately stunned. I felt the world spinning. How could any parent want to allow their children to view such morose acts? Why would any sane-minded father want their kid to see people dying thru accidents? Is it fun? Is it some kind of derange humour?

I must say that I am frightened. Petrified in fact by all these stuff. I am shocked that anyone should be subjected to watch such inane violence. Animated violence is bad enough. Mortal Combat was banned. So why arnt such pictures and clips not censored or better enough, not shown at all? Children are now immune to most violent and gruesome pictures. So is that good? What do u aim to achieve by that? I dont wish to have kids looking and pointing at me while Im dying. Laughing and giggling cos it seems funny to them. Do you?

Split Personalities

2004-10-31T18:36:00.000+08:00

Well, I was bored. So i decided to take some personality tests found on georgie's blog. So informative. So uncanny too. U know, I took some personality test when I was still in JC, and they told me to become some religious teacher or something. Well, it seems that at least im quite consistent. Anyway, now my name is Crazy Destroyer. Gotten from this site www.blazonry.com/scripting/wuname.php

http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp?quiz=Better+Relationship&page=1

eXpressive: 5/10
Practical: 1/10
Physical: 4/10
Giver: 5/10

You are a RSIT--Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Taker. This makes you a Archetypal Older Child.You are a hard nut to crack. You have a wicked sense of humor. Despite your reserved nature, you are more comfortable (and successful) in the meeting and courting mode than you are in a long term relationship. You feel misunderstood, and usually you are. When you're in a good mood, you're funny, fascinating and a sexy firecracker, but when you're in a bad mood you are moody, broody and impatient.

In courtship mode, you don't have to let anyone see your moody side. If you had your way, even in a long term relationship you would have enough time apart to deal with your bad moods yourself; unfortunately, it rarely works that way. You stifle *a lot* of anger and frustration -- from all areas of your life -- so when it comes out it comes out nasty. More than any other type, your conflicts tend to turn on one tiny thing -- the dishes, the laundry -- that's really a scapegoat for your larger dissatisfactions with your relationship. You're baffled that your partner just can't do the dishes -- your partner is baffled that it's such a big deal. The only way around it is to let the dishes go entirely and try to get at the real root of what's bothering you.

I'm making you sound like a bear, but the fact is that you're so warm and charming most of the time that it effectively offsets the times you're unhappy.

You will make a weirdly good parent. Don't pair up with someone who'll make sexual demands of you. That's just not going to fly at all.

Of the 144665 people who have taken this quiz, 5.3 % are this type.

YELLOW

You are very perceptive and smart. You are clear and to the point and have a great sense of humor. You are always learning and searching for understanding.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

http://www.cmi-lmi.com/kingdom.html

Your distinct personality, The Dreamer-Minstrel might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You can always see the "Silver Lining" to every dark and dreary cloud. Look at the bright side is your motto and understanding why everything happens for the best is your goal. You are the positive optimist of the world who provides the hope for all humankind. There is nothing so terrible that you can not find some good within it. On the positive side, you are spontaneous, charismatic, idealistic and empathic. On the negative side, you may be a sentimental dreamer who is emotionally impractical. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today's corporate kingdoms.

Fashionistas!

2004-10-31T17:04:00.000+08:00

Im too tired to be funny this week. So lets just get on with all my beautiful ladies. Its models week! These pretty gals are all i dont know who. But they are definitely head turners. So lets just get on with it....

Modelling a design by Stella McCartney, this girl is sooo beautiful. Aaaah... My dream girl. If only huh.....

On top of the layers of billowing skirt, atop the red cherries, alike the icing on the cake, this lady is hot! Too hot.

Wrapped in a golden leaf, she looks just Eve in Eden. If so, can I be Adam?

Just Shoot Me!

2004-10-24T19:34:00.000+08:00

I had range this week. For my ATP. Actually I had no wish to go for it cos I am very, very lousy at shooting. I remember in my BMT, I barely scraped through my test. I think they might have even tweaked the results or I would still be on Tekong now.
But guess what. I so so nearly got my marksman. I was one freaking point short. Aaaargh... $200 gone... poof.... not to say the useless badge that comes with it. I had to hit all 12 for my night shot. I thought I had it when I hit the first 9 at the 50m mark. Cos u know, I had hit all of the illum targets at 100m for the past 2 nights. But no. I had to miss one. One aaaargh shot. At least Im getting closer to my ORD. Aiyah. Still cannot forget bout that stupid shot. It could have funded for my E800C. Sigh.....

The Important Debate

2004-10-24T18:22:00.000+08:00

John Kerry: Before I begin todays debate. I have one important revelation. Do you know that Michael Jackson and Oprah Winfrey are siblings. Look at this...

Kerry: Here's Mr Wacky. Look at the big deery eyes. Sooo innocent.

Kerry: And here's Madam Oprah. Notice the eyes and the scaly skin. Apart from the curlier hair of Oprahs', they are uncanny. Probably Michael brought the wrong photo to his surgeon.

The Bushes
Little Bush: Yeah Mom, I think he's right. Damn! Dad will have to say something clever too.

Big Bush: Hmmm.. something clever. Just like me on the Jay Leno show last week....

Kerry: Haha... I'm so clever. Thank God my husband, uh wife has the same surgeon or I may never have known.

Mr Teresa Heinz Kerry (to Michael J Fox): Hehehe! I told him that. Mmmmh.. Foxy looks so tasty from here. Maybe I can get my claws into him...

Kerry: But on a more serious note. I have something more important to tell all of you. Someone in this venue has a middle initial W. And do you know what the letter W stands for? Sesame Street brings you the letter W. W for War. W for Wr... uh sorry. W for Wong. I bet you didnt know about this. But you have been bushwacked all this time. *wink wink for the pun*
Mr almost ex-president is actually Chinese! He went to the same surgeon as our dearest Mike. And as expected, the results were devastating. He wanted to look better but came out an american. In his moment of madness, he decided to take over America and set about destroying the World.

George W Bush: Mmmmh. This water taste kinda sweet...

Kerry: Al Qaeda knew of this and decided to get rid of this mad man by sending their elite troops here to assasinate him. Sadly, they didnt know how to steer properly (stupid people) and crashed into the Towers. Mr Chinaman took this chance to set about his quest. He bombed A fags hand is tan. Then accused Sad Damn of hiding WDM and bombed Iraq too. Two down. A hundred more countries to go.

Bush: *choke* Hey! Isnt he talking about me?

Bush: Hey hey hey! Don't listen to that crazy fella. I'm not no chinese. I know nothing bout China. Look at me. Im white as white can be white. I'm no yellow white. I am a pure snow white.

Kerry: La la la.... I can beg too...

Bush aka Bu Si: Aaaaaaah!!!! I'm not Chinese. I'm no freaking asshole of a Chinese. Listen to me everybody... What shit must I say to convince you.... Wo Bu Shi Hua Ren!!

Kid Rock: You ,Uncle Sammy, are going down! Together with my cheap shirt made up of can drink caps. You lousy liar.

Kerry: Hahaha! I have won. Now to bring my blood brother Saddam out of jail...

Presenting the Beauties

2004-10-24T16:25:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah. Its time for them again. Maybe next week I will have a gorgeous man column specially for all my female friends out there.

First up. She is rumoured to be single again. But with that look, I think she won't be left on the shelf for long. Presenting Ms Sexy, Gisele Bundchen

Next up. The oooh so delicious lady in Scorpion King, with the peek-a-boo dress slit up to there, she is Ms Kelly Hu

I know, i know. Its like her 2nd photo. But look at her. She's soo sexy in this picture. This is Ms Naughty, Paris Hilton

Lastly. We have not seen her quite as often as in the past. Of Ally Macbeal fame, this is the foxy gal, Ms Lucy Liu

Whymsical Wanderings of the Bored Mind

2004-10-17T22:01:00.000+08:00

U know, I just had an exercise. I hardly sweated though.I dont think I had any fun too. U know why? Cos its an army exercise. It was called 'Exercise Fiery Dragon'. I wonder why do they have to give such fanciful names. In my unit, all the exercises have something to do with dragons. Maybe its because it sounds masculine and strong. Or maybe its just because they are unreal. Just like the stupid exercises. We have dragon boats, dragon claws and dragon breaths. Wonder if the last one smells good though. Probably it was named to show how stinky we all are after the exercise.
Normally, they would call exercises and operations, names that are associated with the stuff that they are actually doing. So 'Exercise Dragon Boat' may mean that the participants will be enjoying a cruise down the Kallang river or just sleeping in their beds and dreaming about dragon boat racing. It was no wonder that the operation to take down Osama Bin Laden was named 'Operation Take Your Time'. But Mr Saddam was the sadder of the lot. He was caught in the US led sting named 'Operation I Want Your Oil'. Hmmmm..... Link to Al Qaeda.. Check... Stubborn guy who has offended Uncle Sam.. Check.... Loads of oil to increase my pay this year.... Check...Hiding mass weapons of destruction...hmmm... Not yet but lets just accuse him of it first. We can blame the shoddy espionage network. Anyway, nobody knows who's working in it. Haha.. Blameless.
Well, the singapore government has quite a few operations of their own too. Like 'Operation Give Me Your Money Cos Everyone Around U is Dying' or ' Operation Cry and Pay'. Such operations involve a 2hr tv show (often dragging to overtime as it means more money) and a busload of celebrities cum circus performers cum acrobats cum beggars. Im sorry. Rich beggars. They risk their limbs and dignity to perform acts of stupidity so as to get people to donate. Why dont they just sing a song each and ask the public to phone in to vote so as to keep them in. Perhaps they may rake in more money. However, I seriously doubt so. Maybe they could ask people to vote to sent one of them packing instead. I trust they would be rolling in cash this way. How much money does the government actually think we have? Maybe she thinks that each one of us own part of America or something. Or that we simply have deep pockets. Pockets that go all the way down to the oil reserves in Brunei. I certainly hope so too. Quit asking us for money. Just grab whatever u want. Anyway, U have our CPF.

The Jay Leno Show

2004-10-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

Laura Bush: Note to self, I am not a bimbo. I am clever. Must not disappoint my dearest Bushy. Must get votes for him. Smile! Must remember to smile.

Jay Leno: Welcome to the Jay Leno show Mrs Bush. Well well, I must commend Mr President for standing tall in the onslaught by President nominee Mr John Kerry yesterday. However, what have you been feeding the President? Too much bananas in his diet perhaps. He is looking a bit monkeyish. Hahaha..

Laura: Must say something clever. Clever.

Laura: What's wrong with monkeys? I love them. They are soo cute and playful. I joined the World Wildlife Fund all because of them. I make my Honey wear boxers with monkey motifs on them too. So sexy.

Leno: Uh....

Leno: Ha! Dumbass.

Laura: Da da di.. I'm sooo intelligent. He will be so proud of me.

Aaaaah! Mr Bean in drag!!

2004-10-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

Sorry. She is actually a real woman. Its Betty Friedan.

Love Us Beauties

2004-10-17T19:56:00.000+08:00

Its the time to oogle again..

First up, the ethereal lady, the love-lorn elf, its Miss Liv Tyler

Have you ever seen someone as stunning as her before? This is Kim Smith

Looking great in her prim white dress, she is Padma Lakshmi

Last but not least, the woman of Alias, this is Jessica Alba

Listen Up

2004-10-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

Hey everybody. If u are reading this, I must thank u cos probably its ur second time here. Thank u for wasting your precious time with me. I want to say that this is a weekly blog. So come only like during the weekends when I'm free to post my stuff. Another thing is that I wish u all will just post comments or talk to me using the silly flooble thing by the side. I cant stand to be alone yakking away on my site. Its very very lonesome. Talk to me k.

U For Real? (Euphoria 04)

2004-10-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

Hey! Guess what, actually u should know by now since its soo obvious, I just got back from the Euphoria concert at the Padang. Here, I must thank Weixiang who so kindly offered me his extra tickets. (p.s. ur female friend not bad huh) Wah, the concert was loud. Kah yong, who went with me, was, I thought, quite bored. (see, lousy english. dont know how to phrase properly. so many commas) Lucky we went in late cos it really started at about 7+. There was this thai gal named Palmy, (stupid name right) she was super chio and thats all I remember. No lah. But I remembered that during her rendition of the Cardigan's song, there were like a whole row of white lights flashing intermittently. It was like the flashing thingies from the stupid cartoon in Japan which caused the children to have seizures. Kah yong had to look away cos they were painful to watch. Anyway, Palmy is damn beautiful. Machi came in to liven up the otherwise sleepy crowd. Then came Lena Park. As Kah yong will describe, I can feel her even though she is singing in korean. Her voice was emotional. Something all singers should have, though most dont. All I can say is that she is real good. Up came Shin next. I have to say that I was waiting for them and guess what, they rawked the house down. It was LOUD. I could hear echos in the Padang. Michael Learns to Rock were the last band to perform, but I couldnt be bothered as 1) it was late and I didnt want to walk home 2) they may take a long time to learn about rock and I dont have the time for it. Well, great show and I had a great time. Anybody who wishes to go watch anything except for orchestras, pls call me along leh. I wanna come too.
(p.s. pls go listen to All for One's new song 'Someone in my heart' or something like that, u know my memory is bad. Its really a very touching song.)

The Oprah Winfrey Show

2004-10-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

(for the record, I really love her show and I think she's great, along with Barbara Walters)

Oprah: Thank you everyone! I am very happy tonight as I am finally being honoured as the Queen of the World. Finally, you have all come to realise my powers over the female race. They scream and faint with just a sniff of my Dior perfume. Ah, and not to mention the little fortune I have made over all these years by acting in front of the cameras. Sigh.. I could feed California for a couple of years if I wanted too with my stash. Anyway, where is the tiara?Just pass the god-damn thing over and I can finally become your Queen....

Hilary Clinton: Now Miss Chocolate Cookie, I believe that I am the real Queen of the World.

Oprah: Now now girl. I believe that that's not the correct thing to say in front of the millions watching this live broadcast. Go wash your face honey, I think the flour on your face is melting.

Hilary: Hehe... You are always such a comic. Hey chameleon girl, you are blending in with the background. There's a tree behind you. In case you need somewhere to hide.

Oprah: ..........................

Oprah: I am shocked Mrs Clinton. I'm sorry but are you still married to that loser?

Oprah: Anyway, Miss Freaking Shrek. Go chew on a cigar and grab your loser husband back while I get to my throne to become the Woman of this globe.

Hilary: Why you little.....

Rockefeller: For a moment I thought you were'nt gonna make it.

Oprah: For a moment I thought so too. Ooooh... your breasts feel good.

Oogle at the Beauties

2004-10-10T01:22:00.000+08:00

Here we go again, as we salivate, sorry, admire their flawlessness.

In this red hot number and I mean really hot. Its Caroline Tejera.

Miss Teen Queen Bee, starring as the lead in 'The Mean Girls', Lindsay Lohan.

Ah, the one who cannot die. The one known only as the bride. Miss Uma Thurman.

Well, I love the beautiful clouds behind her. She is Toni Collette.

Aiyah! Disaster...

2004-10-03T15:40:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I sprained my right ankle again. U know, actually the same thing happened. I was stretching to block the ball and ta-da its twisted. Talking bout deja vu. Actually I planned to go see the MO after AHM to complain about my left knee, so I can slack my way till ORD but this happened. Haha, gives me a valid reason now. No lah. Just joking. This time the injury is not that bad so I think I can play soccer and tennis soon. Cannot stand sitting still nowadays.

Wanna see my breasts....again?

2004-10-03T15:36:00.000+08:00

Courtney Love(hugging the walls of the courtroom): Its still early. Can I not leave? Why don't you all just go first? Its like my second home. Look at the warm cosy colours they have here, just what I always wanted. Noooo...... if I flash my boobs at Letterman once more, can I stay here a bit longer? Please?

Who is the human?

2004-10-03T15:33:00.000+08:00

The Broadway musical: Avenue Q

Mrs Thistletwat (the purple hag) : Yes! I'm a lesbian! And I'm proud of it!

Aymee Garcia: Suck my lips Honey!

Its all about love...

2004-10-03T15:28:00.000+08:00

Elaine Stritch: Oh no dear. I think you are pregnant.

Babara Cook: Shut up bitch! I'm trying to smile here. Now, before I crush your puny hand, you better not say a thing to anyone. *grin* Don't think you are that innocent too. My rose (behind) is wilting because of your filthy stench.

Elaine: Deary, do you think I am getting old?

Make-up assistant: Not at all girl. (Of course you stupid bitch! The pores on your face are like wells. I have to use up my entire stock just to fill them up and make you look normal. You smell like dog poo and your hair sheds buckets. Ooops! There goes another clump! Maybe I can put it back with superglue.) Hahaha...

Elaine: Haha..

Woof! Watch it you sicko!

2004-10-03T15:25:00.000+08:00

Poor puppy: Aaaah! I thought this was the 'Much Love Animal Rescue Fund'. What the hell are you doing? Are you going to eat me? Aaaaah.... His mouth stinks. I think I'm gonna faint.

Beauties Galore

2004-10-03T14:57:00.000+08:00

Its the time to honour the beautiful again

First up, jaw dropping beauty, supermodel Bridget Moynahan

In shockin red, we have Denise Richards

What can you say about Joely Richardson? Drool-worthy.

She's not old, she's one of my favourites. She is Maggie Cheung

Just in time for....

2004-09-26T17:07:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone, this is the start of my blog. Not really one cos u know i wont want to talk much bout myself. (there's nothing interesting) So this site is all about amusing myself and anybody who bothers to read it. Love me? Love it!

AHM rulez

2004-09-26T16:07:00.000+08:00

Just ran AHM today. For the un-initiated, its the army half-marathon. U know why its only a half marathon? Cos I could barely even finish this one half, not to even talk about 42km.
But I love such events cos I get to see some friends whom I have never seen for a long long time. People whom I spotted: Bingx (Yeah, I saw u running past me. Haha, for once Im faster then u.), Ian Tan, Yuan Tai, Jeremy (who was so clever to come to the event with his bike. Uh wait! Its jeremy right, not jerald. Cos so long never see them already.) and Bingzheng too. I think the best of all was to see Weixiang. Really missed him and the others from my course.

Aaaaah!! Im so dead tired from the run. Both of my legs nearly cramped up at the ending part when I was running in the esplanade park. I saw someone familiar and wanted to give chase but my thighs were giving way. Sigh... Came in at like 2hr 20+mins. At least it was a better timing than last year when I came in at a just nice timing of 2hr 43min. At least I ran faster than the worm.

Rent-A-Fleck

2004-09-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

You know, I think Jennifer mistook all her boyfriends for some male escort service, so guess what, its the time of the year to have a new fling again. So bye bye Benni boy.

Jennifer Lopez: Hi dearest reporters! Are you all here to take pics of my beautiful hand? Look at these nails. They have been manicured and painted in this fabulous deep red color. Its the new fad color. They call it the 'vengence'. Don't you think its soo... Uh, you mean you want to talk about the man behind me? There's no one behind me other than the guy who opened the door. Oooh! You mean that 'guy'.
You know, *hush tones* I don't really know why there are so many strange people in Paris. This guy has been following behind me ever since I touched down in this city. Look at him. So dirty and uncamp. But at least he pays for my stuff. Hahaha! Wish there were more people like him around. Wanna take pictures of my fantabulous outfit?

Terminator 4: Destroying California

2004-09-26T15:04:00.000+08:00

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Harllo Every Body! Ai arm Mr Arnold Schwarzenegger! And ai arm your new Governor. Look at all my pawns, oaps sorry, mai funs around me. So Funtastic huh! No body will ever know that ai bought them to come support me. Haha. Love ya guys! Eh mam, ai think you are sticking da mike too close to mai face. Its nearly in mai big, muscular nose.

Haha! Ai luv California. Look, mai biggest contender was a porn star whose cleverest plan was to tax boob jobs. Quite clever actually. Mahbe ai can say its mai idea too.

To my critics who say ai can't act. Ai have conquered the greatest stage arny actor can go. Ai had to act clever and say these scripts mai advisor gave me. It was a lot of hard work as da speech was long and had a lot of big big words, but ai acted well and every body supported me. Its like ai won da oscar or something. Haha.

Thank you California! Ai know you all are overwhelmed by mai celebrity status. You wanted to be 'COOL' too, so you all voted me. Thank you. Now, ai need a break. Ai think mai muscles are shrinking in this heat. Ai need mai protein drink. So long mai slaves, uh sorry, mai saviours. I'll be back! Hahaha.

Paris, Paris, We have a problem

2004-09-26T15:03:00.000+08:00

Solomon: Hey gal! I think the paparazzi are taking our photos.

Paris: Mmmmh... At least I don't need to hold the camera this time.

Look into the camera

2004-09-26T15:00:00.000+08:00

Bobby Larios: My love. You loook stunningly sexy in that black feathery bird outfit. Wonder which ostrich got stripped for that though. Oh no, my face is getting oily.

Niurka Marcos: Shush babyboy. Just smooch me here. My career is waning and I need some gossip to keep my profile up. Look, I even have my videocam with me so that we can do a paris if this doesn't work. Maybe I can sell the cam on ebay too! Ooooh! My claws are waiting...

Link me home!

2004-09-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

Do you know that reading and christmas are not such simple things that they seem to be?

From Dilbert: Reading is for knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime. Therefore Reading is a crime.

From Babe, Ferdinand the duck: Christmas means dinner, dinner means death, death means carnage. Therefore Christmas means carnage.

What happens if the Spice girls went on the Atkins Diet

2004-09-26T14:45:00.000+08:00

Scary Spice: Ooooh look! I think they luv us. We are super superstars yeah!

Sporty Spice: Thank god for Dr Atkins! I don't think I need another work out ever again. Look at my arms...

Baby Spice: I think I'm gonna cry.

Posh Spice: Aaaah!!! What the hell happened to me? My arms are f*****g spotted. I'm dalmatianed! Someone quick save me. Damn it! I look like Ginger with her freckled face. Stop smiling like idiots you all! And where are my boobs? I paid a shitload for them..... oops.

Dr Atkins: No... Its not my formula... It can't be. They look like shi.., sorry, sticks. I believe that they followed my rival's formula, the Madkins diet. Their high foreheads and large mouths are proofs of that. Uh.... no, its not my fault.

Time to honor the Beautiful

2004-09-26T14:39:00.000+08:00

Well, it's not all about bad and ugly people. Its time to honor the Beauties....

I just had to start with her. She's a winner in her pale yellow slip dress. She is Charlize Theron...

Well, there is something incredibly sexy about girls being on top. Introducing Heidi Klum..

She is ugly in nature but beautiful outside. Who says blondes are dumb. Here's Paris Hilton...

Wearing this pretty white flowing dress with pink floral motifs, she is the ever beautiful Kate Beckinsale...